Miss Universe 2007

Firstly, I would like to congratulate Miss Japan for coming top among the contestants. The rest of the girls did a wonderful job also. Also to praise Miss USA for looking so elegant despite her tripping on her own evening gown which made her land on her butt. She still looks good despite the fall.

MISS JAPAN

Looks like Tanya Chua Singapore Singer right? Not very appealing.

Looks like Helena from SHE Taiwan Pop Group. So Cute!!!

Loved the Evening Gown.

What's the problem with a traditional Kimono? What is this? It sure look like the villain from Power Rangers.

My opinion that Miss Japan won due to her very appealing character and her confidence shown by her stage presence. On top of that, her passion for dancing.


MISS BRAZIL

This is super porn position lor. CMI.

I personally think this picture not very can make it. Fail

I think too fat for me. She looks super ba ba.
Cock a cock a eh!!!

MISS KOREA

Super Chio lor. OH MAN. OH MY GOD!!! Slurp!!

She definitely looks slimmer like that. Too bad you guys cannot catch her dimple. Melts you away.

Look very ba ba too over here. But trust me, I think she should have won.

Like some Ah Ma. Super Obajang.

MISS SINGAPORE

How can I forget about our own little talent in our own little Town.

Frankly, I hate this face.

Ah.... here is a better picture of our dear Jessica.

Sibei Lian ah!!! Like some revengeful ghost.

I didn't know that this is my National Costume.

What's in a Name?

I was with my nephew at 7-Eleven last night. I wanted to get a drink.

[Almost Virgin] Hey Javen, would you like a drink?
[Javen] Okay.
[Almost Virgin] What would you like to have?
[Javen] Anything lor.
[Almost Virgin] You say lar, what you want?
[Javen] Anything lor.
[Almost Virgin] You must at least tell me what you want dear. Don’t anything anything.
[Javen] I want anything.
[Almost Virgin] WHAT YOU WANT. WHAT IS ANYTHING?????
[Javen] I want ANYTHING.

He took my hand, brought me to the fridge, and pointed to this little can drink.
[Javen] I WANT ANYTHING.

I Love Tights Jeans

Nothing much but on a picture that I want to share.

I love tight jeans! It gives you a very protected feeling.

When you are Happy and you know it Clap Your Hands (Updated)

Sorry dudes, I have been very very very very busy recently with tons of stuff in my life and that’s why this blog is going down. I am busy with work, busy with competition, busy with performance, busy with my girlfriend and busy with my man. Therefore I am very busy. In short I am busy. Even shorter. I’m busy. So I am not inspired by any interesting thoughts in my life except for women and dance at this very moment. That’s why I decided a write a happy song. Sing along if you want to be as happy as I am.


When you are Happy and you know it Clap Your Hands
When you are Happy and you know it Clap Your Hands
When you are Happy and you know it
And you really wanna show it
When you are Happy and You know it Clap Your Hands

When you are Horny and you know it Slap your Friends
When you are Horny and you know it Slap your Friends
When you are Horny and You know it
And you are dying just to show it
When you are Horny and you know it Slap your Friends

When you are Angry and you know it Show your Finger
When you are Angry and you know it Show your Finger
When you are Angry and you know it
And you really wanna show it
Stuff that finger up where you know it up his ass

When you are Stupid and you know it Lick your Elbow
When you are Stupid and you know it Lick your Elbow
When you are Stupid and you know it
And you are dying just to show it
When you are Stupid and you know it Lick your Elbow

When you are Hungry and you know it Suck your Thumb
When you are Hungry and you know it Suck your Thumb
When you are Hungry and you know it
And you just cannot help but suck it
When you are Hungry and you know it Suck my Thumb

When you are a Gay Boy and You know it Say Thank God
When you are a Gay Boy and You know it Say Thank God
When you are a Gay Boy and you know it
Grab a woman and just Do it.
And then you will feel happy and you know it Say Thank God

(XIAO QIANG)
When you are Sexy and you know it Shake your Butt
When you are Sexy and you know it Shake your Butt
When you are Sexy and you know it
And you really wanna show it
When you are Sexy and You know it Shake Your Butt

(XIAO QIANG)
When you are Slutty and you know it Pout your Lips
When you are Slutty and you know it Pout your Lips
When you are Slutty and you know it
And you really wanna show it
When you are Slutty and You know it Pout your Lips

Hey everyone join me and include one more phrase. Cmon. I’m sure it will be fun.

I Would Do Anything

Nancy was walking alone all by herself. She was definitely not in the best of mood as she sees the forlorn couples strolling together, holding hands along the river side. The smooching and cuddling of others irritates her to the max.

Nancy was sad. Nancy was very sad. She just got ditched by Leonardo.

“Crap” she yelled. Her voice frightened the lovebird walking pass her who scuffled away quickly as if a mad man was released.

Leonardo just dumped her using some crap excuse that he wasn’t ready to be committed. Nancy knew it was just some lame excuse for him to go ahead and hump some other women. Nancy was furious but yet alone.

She had a friend named Justin and she suddenly recall this special place Justin once mentioned to her. She remembered that Justin did say that it was a special place that would leave you with a unique memory that you will never forget.

Her excited feet brought her to a little pub across the street, next to the alley of rats, with a broken sign board. She went in and sat down. She ordered a beer and started looking around.

Nothing much in peculiar except for tons and tons of beautiful women around. To start of with, Nancy was already feeling down. The fact that she knows her inperfection as a woman, the lustful ladies around her made her feel so shadowy and so minute. Nancy sipped on her beer glass and suddenly, a huge commotion rang at the entrance.

A young man walked in. All the women went crazy. He was in a MJ hat, walking down the stairs and giving flying kisses to all the women around. All the ladies were circling around this prey like a vulture to a dead animal. Nancy could feel the strong immense pressure evolving from the presence of this young man.

Nancy was curious but yet, too secluded away to catch a full glimpse of this mango pudding. All she can see was the words on his T-shirt. It states “Almost Virgin”.

Nancy continued to sip on her beer glass, unintentionally thinking about her Leonardo. They did spent some sweet moments together before. They did have their share of satisfaction, lust and sex.

Suddenly, she can feel this pressure slowly creeping up her back. Step by step, she can feel it. It's coming closer and closer. She turned around and there stands the handsome charming young man standing right next to her.

“Hi, my name is Virgin and could I buy you a drink?”, he said, in the sexiest voice that would outshine the voices of an angel.

Nancy, taken by surprise, was speechless. Out of the millions of beautiful women around, why did he has to come and buy me a drink? Her curiousity led her to reply in her most appealing voice she could imagine.

“Of course, it would be my pleasure. Thank you very much.”

“No, no, no. The honour is mine. It is my pleasure to buy a drink for such a beautiful lady like you. Hey John, can you top it up here.”, as Virgin pointed to the bartender.

Nancy responded quickly to start a conversation. “It seems that someone is considered quite a big shot around here. See all the commotion around at the entrance upon arrival.”

“You got to be kidding. This man is nothing great compared to all the women here. They are the fantastic ones. And I mean including you.”

Nancy blushed and all she could do was to hold up her beer and begin to take another sip.

“So why are you here alone on this lovely evening?” Virgin enquired.

Nancy pondered and respnded “To get a chance to meet someone special?”

“How special is this someone suppose to be in order to captivate this fallen angel from heaven?”

“Well, this is something for me to know and for you to explore” Nancy giggled.

With his fingers to her chin, Virgin tilted Nancy’s face towards his. He advanced slowly towards her face and moved towards the ear. He whispered. “For you my dear, I am willing to do anything.” He planted a smooch on her ears which made Nancy blushed almost instantly.

He trailed her from her ears back to the side of her lips before commenting again. “For twenty dollars, I’m yours the whole night and I will fulfill you of your greatest fantasy.”

Nancy got excited and knew instantly what would come after next. Her need for a man triggered by the incident of her previous boyfriend drive her to accept the idea of a toy boy. She smiled and said “Will you really do anything?”

“Anything to satisfy you” Virgin smiled and planted yet another kiss on her cheek.

Nancy reached for her handbag and took out two ten dollar bill.

“This is for you my dear and I want you tonight. You will do anything for me right?”

“Anything, as long as you can name it.”

“Okay here goes. I need you to clean my dishes, walk my dog. Hang the laundry and clean the toilet. Preferably if you could rearrange my storeroom as it is getting quite messy nowadays, that would be excellent. If time allows maybe you could mop my living room and try to fix that TV that doesn’t seem to work. After that you could vacuum my car, clean the seats and finish with a nice polish to make my Volks a beautiful girl.”

As she raised her eyes to meet his, he was no longer there.

They never see each other again.



Author
Almost Virgin

Ripley’s Believe It or Not

** Offensive remarks written. If you are not open-minded and you cannot take jokes, please discontinue any readings right at this very moment. Very disturbing images will follow for days to come.

** Please note that this disclaimer states clearly that this story is fictional and I am not talking about you. Bleah!!!!

Justin was a young man living in a small town across our neighboring island. Justin was smart and cute. He may not have the looks that could kill but he looks fine and very nice at heart.

For twenty four years of his life, he belongs to himself and takes care of himself. He lives in a small town where there were countable people around him where everyone knows each other. Women were limited and not pretty. He isn’t gay but he hasn’t been engaged in any sexual form of entertainment in his entire life. He leads a life where only Sally and Lucy will satisfy him. Sally meaning his left hand and Lucy the right.

One faithful day he broke out of his little town and went into a bigger town to explore. His excited feet brought him to a little pub across the street, next to the alley of rats, with a broken sign board. He went in and sat down. He ordered a beer and started looking around.

Women, plenty and plenty of women. They were beautiful, young and seductive. As a roaring man always ready to go, he was excited. Heart pumping so fast, he could have killed himself. His attention diverted when he saw this young lady walking towards him. He died mesmerized.

They started talking and they started laughing. A little bit of alcohol got into both of them and they started really enjoying each other’s company. They started to get a little bit more comfortable.

A little bit of cuddling ignited. The smooching sparked off the flames of passion. Our dear little Justin here got a little naughty and started progressing step by step using his very uncontrollable hands.

His hands rolled up her blouse. There was no restriction.

His hands started going underneath her skirt. There was no restriction.

Her hands started to go into his pants. He definitely gave no restriction.

He decided to pop the question. “Let’s take this somewhere else where it is more comfortable.”

With no restrictions, both of them lifted their horny ideas out of their comfort zone and stepped out together, individually thinking of what to do next.

They got into a motel and hot air rises. The feeling of seduction and sins, consumed by the passion of the forbidden fruit, the devil made them worked for each other. They slowly attempted to fulfill their own selfish fantasies. They attempted to get down and do what they wanted to do.

Things were pretty natural and following the book of ABC, both just followed the flow and things seen pretty alright till……

“Can you?” pointing to his virgin member.

Immediately, getting the signal, and without a second thought, the lady worked her way to it. Like an experienced vacuum cleaner, she proved herself. Justin was on Cloud Nine as he has never experienced such heavenly satisfaction before.

He popped.

He popped like a balloon filled with talcum powder.

He lost it. He totally lost it. He lost it so badly that it almost drained him of more than just semen.

The lady took it in the mouth. Never let go.

Justin could see the overflowing fluid exploding in her mouth as it seeps through the side of the lips, down to her chin.

Justin wanted to get up to plant a kiss on her lips.

*COUGH* *COUGH*

Justin just got a mind blowing face of semen and mucus smack right onto his face.

Apparently, the lady being filled with a mouthful of men product, choked. As it was too much from a virgin boy, she choked and it went straight up the nasal. The total discomfort made her sneeze. Semen and mucus started to shoot right from her nasal area and went straight for Justin’s face.

With a face smeared with his own masterpiece, Justin looked at the lady. He saw two long wriggling thick strands of mucus or semen, dripping from the nose.

They never see each other again.



Author
Almost Virgin

Sex and its Philosophy

Many people think they know a lot about sex. They think they are able to distinguish good sex and bad sex. They all think that they are that kind of person that will provide good sex. No one will admit that they suck in bed. Suck meaning they are bad in bed and not on how well a person suck.

So are you good in sex?

Sex is something which is not a necessity and more like a luxury item. It carries off well when both parties are willing, rather than a single party satisfaction. Technically, that would be call rape.

Sex depreciates over time, honestly. As humans, we follow certain habits. We do things we deem is right. When sex becomes mechanical and follows a process like a black box, its no longer fun and sensual. You don’t just put it in, and you take it out. Done. Adieus Amigos, Mucho Glacias.

Sex is supposed to be lingering and addictive. It’s passionate by nature and it’s supposed to be sensual.

I strongly believe in exploring. Exploring is not a term exclusive to Marco Polo. We are adventurous. We go trekking and we start walking. We look around, we rest a bit here, a bit there and we explore again. We get tired, we take a break, breathe deeply, sip some water and we move again. Yes true enough, we always end up at one destination. We always end up at the top of the hill. But imagine the beauty of the scenery when you are at the top, metaphorically speaking. If you belong to the kind that likes trekking with a group of people, please remember to call me.

Enough of the trekking.

I believe in owning a person. Only places you have stepped or crossed are then considered owned. Have you seen a dog marking its territory? Same idea, same logic. I am not asking you to pee like a dog all over to mark your territory. Try to cover the territory 100% not with your hands, but with your tongue. Make sure not one single open area is going to be left out and forgotten. Mark that spot and label it yours.

It is an ego issue to a lot of people and I will not talk into the next line of action. I can only say that rhythmic sense is very important. We talk about quality and not quantity. It’s not the number of positions you know that makes the difference. It’s how you use the position to create World War 3.

Making your partner feel comfortable and knowing where to touch is a must. Being in the most uncomfortable and weirdest position that will put Kamasutra to shame is not going to get you a more enjoyable orgasm. Most probably, you will just end up at the Sensei telling him to give you an MC as you just sprained your back. Due to physical restriction, our arms, our hands and our fingers may not be as long as you would prefer it to be. Rearrange the position to get better visibility or you master your perfection in sit and reach before attempting.

So now, frankly, if you are looking for a good and wild time, get the experts in bed. Meaning someone who knows what to do and must be damn experienced. Get those who sleep around.

If you are looking for a small ripple effect instead of a tsunami, get the inexperience virgin boys who do not know how to even put on a condom. I am sure they will be very gentle. Excuse me; virgin boys who watch a lot of porn also belong to this category. As watching and practicing is very different.

Please understand the above is purely personal with no names stated and they are all based on a man versus woman relationship. For man versus man and women versus women, please do read this blog for man versus man, and this blog for women versus women.

My Fantasy

So many times in our lives, we are lost in ourselves. We are lost in translations and we stand in the middle of crossroads. We take a deep breath and we make a decision.

The Devil lurks in the darkest corner to warn us of lots of things. Temptation is a disease that will infiltrate slowly but critically.

I cannot remember when since I was free from worries, free from stress and free from love at one time in my life and I celebrate in merriment? When was the last time I lived my life for myself to enjoy the moment, without a care, without a single flock of worries slapping on my back?

I miss you.

Have you ever told yourself that you will try, brushing all obstacles aside. Come what may, bring it on. I will face it and I don’t care. Have you ever ignored all consequences and just for one time, one time, tell yourself to love like you never love before. Kiss like it will be the last, and love for one lifetime.

I miss you.

Have you tried falling so deeply for a person that you are scared? Scared that whatever that is going to happen will hurt the other person so bad. Have you had butterflies in your stomach that you can’t eat, you can’t sleep and you can’t work, not until you see the person, hear the person, and you touch the person?

I miss you.

Have you ever had the urge to find all excuses, all ways and all means to make sure that you see the person for at least one day, one hour, one minute, one second. In any event that you have to stand in the middle of the hot sun just to see the person, you will do it.

I miss you.

In your mind, all you have are visions, images, fantasies and it all circles around this person that made you happy. Happy till the extent you will smile like an idiot looking into the sky. You know you need no more any conversations to be created as now actions already means more than words.

I miss you.

Have you ever thought of someone so much that sleep is no longer necessary. Sleep can be forgone in exchange for the person’s company. Food is no longer tempting as there is nothing as tempting as the person sitting in front of you. You will feel no hunger.

I miss you.

Have you ever spend the entire day picturing each and every single moment you have spent together with the person before. You remember and you narrate scene by scene, action by action, and kiss by kiss.

I miss you.

You miss the hugs and kisses and you regretted letting go. You are disgusted in yourself that now nothing is as important as that person in the whole wide world. You disgraced yourself, as you slowly lose your friends, you lose your respect, you lose your dignity and slowly you slide away from the society.

So what is love?

Love is a poison that infiltrates the body and soul. It corrupts the mind and makes you do irrational stuffs. Love is a disease that makes you feel traumatized and makes you cry and laugh uncontrollably.

Love is something you long for but can never get.

Love is just a fantasy that everyone craves but ends up getting hurt.

This is my fantasy.






Author
Almost Virgin

Phantom of the Opera - Think of Me my Dear

An adaptation of Phantom of the Night - Think of Me

** For those who knows how to sing the song, join me.


Think of me
Think of me fondly
When we say goodbye

Remember me
Remember this feeling
We know that at least we tried

Remember this
My darling remember this
This passion that kept us
Un-di-vide

I will promise you
With my life
That
I’m
XXXYours
XXXXXXXTill
XXXXXXXXXXXI
XXXXXXXXXXXXXDie


Missing you
Missing you so badly
This feeling is so divine

Loving this
Loving this feeling
I’m so happy I can cry

I can’t wait
Oh baby I can’t wait
To see you every day and night

I want to hold you close
And kiss you
And to
Tell
XXXYou
XXXXXXPlease
XXXXXXXXXXXBe
XXXXXXXXXXXXXMine

How Can???

How Can?

How can you marry or get married to someone unless

1. You have seen your partner pick his/her nose in front of you. At the same time showing a total satisfying look by the tweak of the eyebrow or mouth opened to the max. You win if you say that you stare at it for 15 minutes and you still think him/her looks absolutely gorgeous. You win again if you can take it when he/she puts that damn piece of shit from the nose into the mouth. Get married immediately.

2. You have heard the fart in the room, as loud as the thunder. You have been so accustomed to the fart that distinctly, you can remember the taste and the smell of the fart. You win if you can withstand the explosion underneath the same blanket where you see the up-rise of the fart.

3. You take the snoring like angels singing. You can’t sleep without this musical instrument. It sounds like Rock a Bye Baby, but techno version and maybe you can even salsa to it.

4. You have already experienced the refreshing feel of the face when he/she sneezes right in your face and you enjoyed it like a facial. You win if you would deliberately dash in front of her sight when he/she sneeze in order for you to save on the SK9.

5. You have worn his/her underwear and they are always interchangeable. You win when you wear it to work and you arrogantly say to your colleagues that what you are wearing today is his/hers.

6. You have shaved his/her hair in whichever area before. You go and die if you say you enjoy keeping a collection of these shave hair. Go away from my life. Freak.

7. You are able to enjoy his/her cooking without frowning and without having to visit the loo like ten times a day. If you can take that, you should try Mr Virgin’s cooking one day. You will be my best friend.

8. You have had at least one fight in your course of courtship regardless whether is it over a third party, a piece of toufu or a stupid movie.

9. You are able to tolerate each other parents even though they could have burnt your pants before or tore your most precious dress from Lavili.

10. Finally, only if you love him/her.

The Weirdest Dream

I had the weirdest dream the other night. I need to reemphasize that it is all a dream. And it is nothing but a dream.

** All names have been edited to protect the parties for being named and to arouse unnecessary arguments or quarrels.




I was with CHIO BU the other night. I guess we were at a chalet and there were tons of people around. DUDE and MEI NU are a couple in real life and they were at the chalet too. SPIDEY and MISSY ??? are a couple too and they were also seen at the chalet.

The night gets darker and the crickets start to mate. The sound of the frogs' croaking gets louder. Apparently many of us were very drunk then.

Out of no where, unexpectedly, MEI NU crept up to me and we started talking. I cannot remember a single thing that we talked about and it does not matter. The important thing is was that single phrase she said, "Can you kiss me?"

It was a simple request and it is not that I am not competent when it comes to kissing. But I just want to make sure that it was not because that she was drunk that she mistook me for DUDE. So I being a good boy said, "But DUDE is there."

She replied. "Just shut the fuck up and kiss me, Bitch!"

With no further question asked, I just succumbed to the temptation as MEI NU was a beauty. And I need to emphasize again that this is a dream.

The kiss was sweet and short, but lingering. I never said anything. I waited.

She opened her eyes and she said, "SPIDEY kisses better."

WHAT!!!!

SUPER DUPER TRIPER QUARIPER CBI.

I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

FIRST SHE ASKED ME TO KISS HER.
THEN SHE COMMENTED THAT SOME ONE ELSE CAN KISS BETTER THAN ME. FURTHERMORE, THAT MAN HAPPENED TO BE NOT HER BOYFRIEND.

WAH KAOZ

I woke up in cold sweat. What a weird and happening dream I had. Must be because the damn air con is spoilt, if not why am I sweating so much?

** The stupid blogger is not working. Damn it.

Blogger is so irritating

I cannot post. Damn it.

Rememorate

As a poetic writer, I do not wish to see my gems be towed into the grave. As I don't usually blog on weekends, I would like to take this opportunity to rememorate some of the posts I have written before. Please do check them out.

My favorite has always been - Little Johnny



Thinking Of You

Poems On Friends Again

Poems On Friends

Never Meant to Be

Just Lie to Me

To Say to You

人生是可以更美好的

Yippee Aye Aye

3 Days and 2 Nights

Only You

Issey Miyake

Little Johnny

DO-RE-ME

The Devil's Reject

I used to have a Dick

The Love of My Life


Have a great weekend and for now, signing off

Almost Virgin

Thinking of You by JORINA

Thinking Of You

Roses are Red
And some Diamonds are Blue
When I write a poem
I will think of you

You are so special
Comparable to few
I think you should know
I'm falling for you

Maybe it will happen
No one would ever know
I am enjoying the moment
And I hope it will never go

The warm breath
that tickles my heart
The adoring words
that excites my ears

The lovely smell
that tease my senses
For others will never know
The joy in thinking of you

All I dream is to

Capture your heart

Let us be together

And never be apart

Thinking of you

Instill me the will

For I promise

I will love you still

Some secrets you will never know
Some secrets you will never hear
Some secrets that will reside in my heart
Secret such as
“I Am Thinking Of You”

Author

Jorina

Man Marries Goat

Sudan man forced to 'marry' goat

A Sudanese man has been forced to take a goat as his "wife", after he was caught having sex with the animal.

The goat's owner, Mr Alifi, said he surprised the man with his goat and took him to a council of elders.

They ordered the man, Mr Tombe, to pay a dowry of 15,000 Sudanese dinars ($50) to Mr Alifi.

"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi said.

Mr Alifi, of Hai Malakal in Upper Nile State, told the Juba Post newspaper that he heard a loud noise around midnight on 13 February and immediately rushed outside to find Mr Tombe with his goat.

"When I asked him: 'What are you doing there?', he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up."

Mr Alifi then called elders to decide how to deal with the case.

"They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife," Mr Alifi told the newspaper.

Sources from

BBC - Man marries Goat

Natural Erection

There's a cool spider in Brazil. Its venom gives male victims hours-long erections.

How cool is that?

Click here to read all about it

"The erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience along with the pain and discomfort," said study team member Romulo Leite of the Medical College of Georgia, presumably speaking only about male bite victims. "We're hoping eventually this will end up in the development of real drugs for the treatment of erectile dysfunction."



Apparently the spider's venom is not potent.

Imagine.

If I can order a jar of those spiders over the Internet and I milk the venom from the spiders. Then slip that venom into an unsuspecting victim's drink. Viola.


E.g.

• Dino before he dance
• Virgin before he bachata
• Dilbert before he attempts to fly his kite
• Jeremy before he does his Limbo Rock
• etc etc

Author
Dilbert

Dude you owe me one "good time" for this post. And another "good time" for the web space. So now you owe me two "good times".

Poems On Friends Again

I have a kawan named Dino
Who digs on Cappuccino
He thinks he is a Casanova
Who drives the space ship in Supernova

His boyfriend is called Jeremy
Who has humongous Twa Liap Nee
On the first look it may seem like fake jelly
Until you touch it you know it’s heavenly

His pal is named Lorraine
Who has a very difficult name
But she has a sexy body
That can easily make men go crazy

Her lesbian partner is call Karen
Whose temper is like a lion
She loves to eat onion
And that’s why her breath is so brilliant

Her partner is so sweet
Just like a tender piece of meat
By the way, his name is Virgin
Who always has a very seductive grin

Virgin has a friend name JP
Who hates to make his way to JB
He rather stay in Singapore
And feast on the food galore

His friend is named Dilbert
Who loves to play on his Ku Ku Bird
He always dream of making it fly
To infinity and beyond and into the sky

And not to forget that JP has a baby
Whose name is Audrey and she is damn bitchy
She is the best sample of a woman’s scorn
And she can make you wish that you were never born

And not to forget a good friend Don
Who loves to go Kallang to catch free prawns
Using his Xiao Qiang as the bait
While he finds a partner and starts to mate

And that’s about it, at least for today
Here are some friends who can always make my day
The list does not end here, it wouldn’t be right
I will continue another day as it is no longer bright

I will rest my case and say good night.



Author
Almost Virgin

Poems On Friends

I have a friend and her name is Erica
She was born in 1979 in a hospital call Tekka
She dances like a Si Gi Na
But at least she drives a Mazda

She has a friend and her name is Corina
Who likes to drink daily with her lime in the Corona
She looks definitely better than a Tota
Especially when she starts to sip on her Margarita

She has a “Bro” whose name is Luke
One seeing him no one would need to puke
Because he is so damn cute
And he stands on the dance floor like a dashing Duke

Luke dances with a partner whose name is Lily
And she definitely smells better than my Kitty
I seriously consider it is such a pity
Because I think she is definitely more witty than her being pretty

And she has a friend whose name is Johnny
Who is so sociable that no one would feel lonely
No one knows his hobby is to eat Hokkien Mee
With extra Tau Gei and Mai Hiam please

Johnny has a good friend whose name is Boon
Who always dances like an arrogant Goon
His hobby is to look at the moon
And to lick on a spoon while flying his balloon

He has a girlfriend named Daphne
Who has a good figure and she is damn funny
She is a sweet lady with beautiful eyes
Although sometimes she can be as cold as an ice

Here comes her friend and her name is Jo
Who can be crazy sometimes and laughs like a crow
She can be your friend and not your foe
If not she can whip you till your Di Di cannot grow

If you don’t believe what I say of Jo
You can ask Chuan Ge and he will ask you to lie low
Chuan Ge comes in a shirt with a nicely wrapped bow
And he greets people with the word “Siao Bo”

And that’s about it, at least for today
Here are some friends who can always make my day
The list does not end here, it wouldn’t be right
I will continue another day as it is no longer bright

I will rest my case and say good night.


Author
Almost Virgin

The deadly weapons

** I must emphasize that the following was all based on imagination and not by experience.

The perfect weapon for a quarrel lies in our everyday life. Man and women quarrel a lot. They quarrel about money, time, love, sex and very much more. Man and man quarrels a lot too. Nevertheless, woman and woman fights a lot but it is always an eye candy to see.

To use the perfect weapon in a perfect scenario gives a different effect.


A Glass of Water


The easiest, most accessible weapon, which could be effortlessly, obtained anywhere. It usually gives a splashing result and adds a cooling effect to the face or pelvis area, depending on where the splash was aimed at.
Suggestion: Use such tactic when your man initiates a break up


The Shoes


A deadly weapon at its best. To be aimed at a 45 degrees towards the temple area. To incur heavier damage, aim the pointed heels towards the target.
Suggestion: Use such tactic when your man kills your pet


The Table


The table, ooooo, the table. Best used when there is food on the table. Able to attract tons of attention and provides the best musical interpretation of breaking plates and glasses.
Suggestion: Use such tactic when you know your man spend the night not at home and not alone.


The Hand

Only when aimed at the perfect spot, will then give total redness to the skin and loud “bang” to the audience. Be prepared to suffer from serious pain to the palm of the hand. Always be smart enough to wear gloves. Self protection.
Suggestion: Use such tactic when you know your man kissed your best friend


The Spit


Whoever experienced from the spit will suffer life long trauma. A simple gesture from the mouth goes a long way. Preferred to accompany with tons and tons of garlic or with a load of mucus together. If targeted properly, able to blind the eye and cause serious damage.
Suggestion: Use such tactic when you know your man became gay.