Congratulations to Mr and Mrs Ching

Finally, they are together. They have already walked this far and hand in hand they will walk till the end of the road. Congratulations to my beloved friends Ivan and Magdalene on their sweet marriage.

Me being such a nice friend ho ho ho, wrote them a poem and hell I got it laminated which costs me a dollar each and I gave it to the newly weds.

我们的相遇不是一个偶然

我们的认识不是一种缘份

我们的结和全靠我们的努力

能和你白头谐老是我的荣幸

Camera whoring time. Kick back and enjoy.

Picture of the day has got to be this.


I have cute friends.

Boy Caught Dancing in Lift Again!!

Damn it!! I was caught dancing in the lift again.

I was walking past the security office when friendly Ah Peh Peh Security Uncle suddenly yelled out my name.

[Ah Peh Peh] Virgin, what are you doing in the lift this morning?

I was shocked and tried as fast as I can to remember the list of events that happened to me in the lift this morning. I don’t think he saw Mr. Finger having a quick one with Missy Nostril. I am definitely sure he was not able to see me fart the big one.

[Virgin] I never do anything ah. Why did you asked?

[Ah Peh Peh] You are doing that thing again! Turn and turn in the lift. You not dizzy ah. You so fat, you jump jump jump later lift spoil then I have to come save you. Please hor, next time don't do that again hor.

[Virgin] Orh........
















Picture of The Month



Actually my boss just screwed me up down left right for bursting into laughter a moment ago but I know that I need to do this. Please check out the enlarged version of this dude. Hey Charles, you are the man!. I love you more and more already. You are my IDOL!!

A Reader, A Supporter, A Motivator, A Friend

Based on a true story

I vividly remember the first time I met Lup Sap Girl. She waddled across the dance floor to where I was sitting. Me sipping on my Margarita, I totally ignored the existence of an angel in disguise. The music started playing to the four-beat Bachata and she started dancing with some weird guy that I can’t remember. That was how I first met her.

I looked in awe, feeling the titillating effect glowing from her. The moves, the look, the feel, which felt extremely, coincidentally, blended smoothly together just like an Oreo ice blended. She was smooth and she was not pretty. Pretty is too simple a word to describe her. Stunning should be the preferred choice of words. Unwillingly, I shifted my vision away from her and glanced around. I was not the only one. People were like zombies salivating at her. With eyes glued onto her, no one was talking, no one was dancing. Only observing and enjoying.

So badly, I wanted to have a dance with her. Someone at the back of my mind kept saying. "No Virgin, you are not up to standard. Please do not go and embarrass yourself!!!" Therefore I just sat there and looked, admiring the beauty of the dance. When the music stops, disgusted with myself on how pathetic and timid I have become, I went back to my drink and started chewing on my cigar. Making up all imaginations I can think of if I did dance with her.

Shortly, she camed up and asked me for a dance. My wildest dream happened. I was shocked, stunned and blown away. I stuttered for a second and I put down my Magarita. Summoning up strength and courage that has left me that day, I have decided to do it since its not an easy chance to come by. This was how we first met.

My palms are sweaty, knees weak and arms are heavy. My heart beating with sweat sliding down my back. I was scared and yet excited.

Music came, song came, lyrics came. For me, moves gone, beat gone, confidence gone. Every dog has its day. It was just not one of my better dance I suppose. Everything from good good good suddenly just turned bad bad bad. I was out of beat and I forgot my moves. I was not into the music and I lost my foot. People laughing and I look like a fool. And hell I almost head butted her. Now to think about that, it was pretty funny. The expression from her, priceless. Finally the song was over and I finally releases her from the misery of an awful dance.

I cannot dance anymore for shit. I just went back to my seat and looked at my Magarita. I felt bad. Just lousily bad. I blogged about it the next day and I promised the whole world that I will practice hard so that I will not head-butt her again and now the sequel.

The long awaited dance came this time. I was well prepared and very well warmed up for the dance. I summoned enough confidence and to do it like a man, I walked confidently to her and asked for a dance in which she politely accepts. All the drilling I remember I have put in will only last for the next three minutes but its all going to be worth it. I will show to the world and show it to her that I can do a proper dance too. This was how I met her for the second time.

Well I did a good one this time, I guess. I felt great and I think she felt great. The music was good and she was good. Its always happy to hear from some one complimenting you that she had a great dance. Smile flashes across her face after the music stops. I said thank you in the most appreciative way I could have ever said. Its like accomplishing something so big so huge, that something that you have been lingering for months now. I never danced with her again.

She is now still dancing, performing, doing everything about the dance. She is now happily in love, loving the man who loves her. I wish her all the best.

Flashbacks to me are always fond memories. I need an ignition to help me remember what I have foolishly forgotten. I thank her for initiating the first dance which although I fared badly but it did made me set up my mind to improve. I thank her for accepting my request for a second dance to show to myself that I have improved. I thank her for reading my blog and all the bitchy stuffs that I have written. I thank her for her support for me to participate in the Salsa Competition. I thank her for motivating me to a new level and I thank her for being my friend.





















You think all this is real, 骗你的啦！



Author
Johnny Kwek

Extra, Extra Read All About It!

“Extra, extra read all about it!” the young boy yelled. I snuffled the papers across his hands and handled him a dime. “Hey Sire, you are Almost Virgin! The papers are all talking about you” he exclaimed. I looked at the boy, astonished by the pure mentioning of my name. I took a puff off my wind pipe and let out some wind. I breathe and I read.

“Topless Girl upset over Lost Friend!”

Eye witnesses have said that Topless Girl wept while washing the plates due to lost friend. Details from trustworthy sources say that the incident was because of a friendship turn sour due to despicable Almost Virgin.

“I am definitely going to sue the Wall Times for slandering right?” I turned over to my side kick Professor BM. “Well you will need to read on, my dear friend.” BM replied. I twitched my eyebrow and gazed at him. I sat down by the coffee table of The Imperial along the 44th street. I took off my hat and took another puff.

A small boy around the age of fourteen scuttles next to me. “Would you like to have your shoes cleaned, Sir. It is a dusty day!” I looked at my shiny leather boots and then I glanced at the scantily dressed boy whose hunger can be quite easily seen across his face and said “Why not?” I opened the papers ready to see what more bullshit they could write on me. As the saying goes, “Do not bull shit the bull shitter!”

Almost Virgin and Topless Girl participating in dance competition have already been made known. But due to ripple effects, other unforeseen factors arise. Topless Girl saddened by the rejection of a regular dancing partner Salsa Jedi who has made sarcastic remarks which silently but impact-fully demolishes a young girl’s innocence on friendship. From Reuters Sources, eye witness Princess Katrina over heard the conversation.

“I heard it, I seen it all. Everyone knows that Salsa Jedi would dance with Topless Girl for like seven dances every time they see each other. But ever since that Virgin wants Topless to be his partner, Jedi seems to have faded off just like that. On last Saturday when Topless initiated a dance with Jedi, he arrogantly rejected her proposal and further claiming that why bother dancing with him since his moves is so predictable. Topless was devastated by a once close friend who now uses sarcasms on her. She could not dance the whole night.”

I looked at Prof BM and asked. “I thought Jedi was with Missy MapleSyrup? He looks to me as if he has the hots for Topless and he is blaming me for stealing Topless away.”

BM looked at me and smirked “Hey my dear friend, are you kidding me. Firstly you are engaged with Mrs. Virgin and hell you would never let her go because you love her too much. Secondly, c’mon look at yourself. Do you still think you have the charm of a twenty year old boy to steal other’s roses? Thirdly, I think Jedi is just upset for not joining the competition with Topless because you asked her first. And lastly, must be that damn thing Topless said.”

“What damned thing?” I pondered with my fingers twitching on my moustache. “What the hell could be that damn thing?”

“I heard from Missy Chatsalot that Topless said jovially that day to Jedi that he is predictable. He is probably upset because of that I guess.”

“But I get that kind of comments all the time.” I chuckled. “Nowadays, women are a difficult nut to crack. It takes so much more to please them.”

“That’s very true and I must agree. Well I guess Jedi should not be so, you know, about it” BM pointing to the shoe boy to get his turn on his shoes.

“To me it’s very simple you know BM, I think just let Jedi cool it for a period and probably he will be fine although I have to really bitch about him sometimes. If really the reason to all this sarcasms and broken friendship is because of this damn dance competition. I would say to the fuck with it. Everything was peaceful and nice where all of us would click together and joke together. We used to steal Batman’s underwear together remember? Just the three of us, we used to peep at Invisible Woman bathing though we can’t really be sure whether she is there. But still those were the good old days. I really hope Jedi and Topless starts dancing again.”

“Oh yeah, the good old days, I remember. Life was really good back then. Now the stress, the strain and all the ‘the blah the blah the blah’ is really getting on my nerves you know. Hey Virgin, why not we hold a Christmas party early this coming festive season?”

“That we will leave it to Mr. Claus I guess. He is always late every year for my Christmas present. Last year he gave me a vibrating dildo, that son of a bitch.” I snickered.

“At least you have something practical. I got a PlayBoy Magazine!” BM frowned.

“You moron, that is so cool. A Play Boy Magazine.” The shoe boy exclaimed!

“Well you want it, go ahead and take it. Damn that fat red ass he gave me a Play Boy Cover with Gay Men Pictures! Bastard!!”



I woke up in sweat. What a weird dream that was………

只爱琼云

After my previous entry on the Love of My Life, quite a handful of unsatisfied readers saying I should have actually wrote about my actual love of my life. I decided I will and I will try to do it in a very difficult language. Chinese.

华语！Cool!

Please do not smirk or trash my hard work. This is my first time doing so. I hope Mrs Virgin understands as she very "Eat Potato" one. So here goes. For you my dear!!

所为。。。。
只羡鸳鸯不羡仙

爱意有如双飞雁

美人相并立琼轩

为有云屏无限娇

Only envy the mandarin ducks but not the angels
Our love is like a pair of wild geese flying together
Although Ladies file out to their pavilion of jade
But there is only you, one Carved-Cloud, exquisite always

-Dedicated to Mrs Virgin-

Author
Johnny Kwek

My Clan's 80th Anniversary

It was a torturous sunday morning. Too much is excessive. I had been dancing from 12 noon to 2 am in the morning on the entire Saturday. I woke up with a tremble on my left knee. I blame myself for my unsatisfying want to dance. Still, I need to highlight that the night I spend at St James Power House was very fulfilling. The band was good, the music was good. The ah bengz were good and definitely the company of my super heroes friends were good. But now I am very sick.

I am very very sick but still not sick enough to pose.

It was my clan's 80th anniversary and I was under the command of the Great Highness which is my mum to go for the celebration. Being such a fillial and nice boy like me, I guess I would have to follow with no questions asked.

I remember her exact words. "要记得穿美美喔!". I did that together with Mrs Virgin. See us having fun.

The event happened at the expo and wow was there a lot of poeple. There were around 500 tables which make it around lets say 5000 people. It was quite amazing to see so many of my own clan people around although I only know a handful of them.

They even had an orchestra performance. They were pretty good.

And now lets introduce my family.

From the left that would be my sister in law, Grand Highness and Mrs Virgin.

My brother and the wife.

My daddy and mummy

Mr and Mrs Virgin

My eldest sister, my nephew and my brother in law. Check out his shirt. Oh my God. Outstanding!!!

The world's cheekiest boy!!

The whole event was fun except that the food came really slow. There were dragons and tigers all around.

There were drum performances simliar to Yani.

There were also freebies and souvenirs. For example this 2007 calendar. My dad's picture is inside. The photo was taken like 16 years ago.

My daddy is a cover girl!!!

On the left would be my grandfather and on the right My beloved father. Check out the 933 醉心频道 banner at the back. I didn't know my dad was that hip. Even for me I only listen to
九五八.

Next I will publicly bitch about my girlfriend.
Hey dear, you are so pretty that day you are so very pretty every day but especially gorgeous looking and beautiful that very night. All your bua long long simply matches your sexy and delicious dress. You look so gothic!!!

The whole event ended with a bang with a quoir on stage to sing our own clan song. Believe it or not, it was sung in Hokkien and it sounded pretty nice.

My father was one of the singer on stage.

And before I end, I really need to bitch about something I happened to notice all night. Whats wrong with her hair??

The thing about the Nipple Tape.
I am sure that there are millions of you out there who knows what a nipple tape is but how many have actually seen one. As a friend I have decided to show you guys out there who have not seen one, here is a nipple tape.

The first look to me, it looked like a fallen piece of salmon off the dining table. Actually its quite easy to use though. All you have to do is to stick it to the nippies and abacradabra, it just sticks on to it. Amazing!! And for you idiots out there, I did not buy it for myself, you bitch. Mrs Virgin bought it. I only played with it. Ho ho ho!!!!

The Love of My Life

Roses are Red, Violets are blue
You are the only one that always remains so true
I remember the days when no one cares
You were the only one who is willing to let me share

That time when I hug you when I was drunk
Because of that sexy little bitch Miss Schmunk
Apparently she just left me without saying good bye
On that day while we were watching “An Eye for a Guy”

I am sorry I vomited on you
And you took it coming without a clue
You assured me that everything was fine
And told me that I will slowly forget that evil swine

You are the best listener to my worries
As I slowly reveal the ingredients of the curry
The rendezvous with you in the morning are always so sweet
It releases my stress since I just unloaded my shit

Oh my darling
My toilet bowl
Although you are stony and cold
I will love you forever till the day I die old

Oh my darling
My toilet bowl
The key that you hold
Unlocks the bolt to my soul

Oh my darling
My toilet bowl

Author
Johnny Kwek

I Am A Happy Boy

I am very stressed up and feeling depressed.

I am going to announce to the whole world shamelessly that I am going to participate in a salsa competition. I know, I understand. Who am I to think that I have that capability to do so? I am shouting this out loud to everyone that I am doing this for the experience and for the exposure and furthermore, I have friends who believe in me. I think everyone must take one big step once in their lifetime before they could step out the next one. I have no intentions to pit my strength against the veterans out there but I would like to show to everyone that I could also put up a good show. Who knows I might even get the prize money (ho ho ho). I publicly declare that I will donate all the prize money (assuming that I get any) to the “Help the Virgins” organization.

I am still very stressed up and I feel like shit.

Apparently I am pairing with Topless Girl for the contest. The problem that I am facing is that quite a number of people would like to pair up with Topless Girl too. But because I made the initiative to ask her first, so she ends up with me. But to me, that is absolutely wrong. I do not want her to have the obligation that she has to partner up with me just because I asked her first. I want her to partner up with me because she wants to partner up with me. See the difference and I deem this difference as the most important. Apparently there is the Salsa Jedi and Salsa Guru are among the list of candidates who would like to pair up with Topless Girl. Magneto aka Salsa Jedi won tons of awards for hip hop actions and Bare Butt Boy aka Salsa Guru is like the Salsa Prince of Union. It makes me wonder if I were Topless Girl who would I choose? Would she choose Dr M, B.B.B or Almost Virgin? My confidence level is not very high. Apparently, my confidence level has struck rock bottom. After consulting some of my best super friends like Batman and Aqua man, I have decided to write her an email to end the whole thing.

The Email

“Hey girl I decided to write you a letter. Believe me this letter is typed in a very fast manner as I believe that doing it fast and straight forward would be the best way to convey my direct thoughts.

Something I think you should know is that I am under quite a substantial amount of stress from this Salsa competition. The stress that I am receiving is not from the dance moves, the tight time schedule and neither from the choreo that we are trying so hard to do. Nevertheless it has nothing to do with your weight.

Apparently I felt that you are a very good dancer with extreme potential. The pressure is that there are so many good dancers out there that want you to be their partner and I am just an average guy holding on to the treasure. The pressure of me disappointing you keeps lingering in my mind every single minute. I mean there are people watching, assuming I messed up and people would say that they could have done something more special with you than what I did. I mean I really would like to put up a good show for everyone including myself but I cannot take it if my partner feels disappointed or the 'we-could-have-done-better' kindda thing in the end.

The problem with me I guess is that I lack the confidence. Basically my primary motive is that I really would like to go for the exposure and I believe that taking this big step can bring me to the next level. But it seems that you are more desirable to the more professionals or the so called experts.

So basically what I want to say is that if given a choice to bring this back time and let you choose again, to choose the partner you deem the most appropriate, I am giving you a second chance. Please do something to make yourself happy. I guess I am throwing these words like what you said to me that day. The importance of the dance is to have fun and be happy. So assuming if you deem me inappropriate, please please please please please please feel free to voice it out. If you can be happy with another partner, I will be happy for you. Please note that I am still not giving up. The choice is yours and I am just one of the candidates but I think I should at least let you know how I feel. I promise to put in more effort okay and I would like you to know I really enjoy every single dance with you.

Please understand that it took me quite a number of bitching sessions with my close salsa friends before I wrote this and the unison conclusion is that as your dancing partner, the minimum I should do to make myself more comfortable is to let you know about this. So hope to hear from you.”

I am less stressed up but more anxiety is building.

I click on the "send" button with no regrets. I told myself that what I just did was for the better. It will be better for the both of us. I told myself that if suppose that Topless Girl were to choose someone else I would not join the competition no more. Not due to the reason that time is short and I could not find a more compatible partner, but because of the rejection that will hit me hard and I would not be able to perform with someone else.

I waited in anxiety for the answer. The phone rang.

I am nervous.

“You silly goat. I still want you as my partner. You are the person that I feel most comfortable with. There is chemistry between us……………………but only on the dance floor.”

– Topless Girl

I am happy.

I want to thank a lot of people who has been very encouraging and supportive, and most importantly, believed in me. I would like to express special thanks to Batman, Hamster Girl, Aqua man and Firefly. Without your encouraging words, I believe that I would not be where I am, right here, right now.

I woke up this morning smiling.

SALSA WITH US

Great News!!!! A new Salsa class by excellent Salseros. Read on for more information.

INTRODUCTION

Evelyn and Boon Cheong has been teaching salsa together since October 2005. Having fun is the essence of their dance teaching philosophy. Their warmth and personal touch in instruction have endeared many students to them.

Eve started salsa in mid 2004 and is trained in many dances, such as Spanish dance and jazz, as part of her degree in theatre studies @ Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts. Other than sharing her passion for salsa, Eve is also a speech and drama teacher and stage actress.

Boon has been sweeping the salsa dance floor since May 2003 and has acquired a wide repertoire of dances ranging from modern dance to lindy hop. He believes strongly in being creative in interpretating music, yet having fun dancing.

Boon and Eve are also members of VivaSalsa, a performance team made up of like-minded salsa afficionadoes and friends. Together, Eve and Boon has competed in numerous competitions, such as the DXO Singapore Salsa 2005 competition; and performed in corporate and public events in front of dignitaries such as President Nathan.

All the things above are from the poster and now my comments. Firstly, for those who have not seen Boon before, you don’t look at the picture think he stoopit stoopit looking. Actually he is very cute and very humourous. As for Evelyn, from the picture itself, you know she is a gorgeous lady. But only till you see it for yourself, you will be mesmerized. But excuse me, she is in no other man’s land now, so back off.

I have seen them dance and they look wonderful. So many a times I would love to steal some moves from them but I guess we are from different category. So going for a class, you will get to learn coordination and moves from a professional rather than trying to figure things out by yourself. I believe that for a start, learning from a proper place and a proper teacher will get your foundations right and it will get you far. These two have the capabilities to bring you that far. Having the right mentality which they possess will make you fall in love with the sport.

For those who have been dancing for some time and feel that you are getting all stagnant, please try out the teachings from these two of my inspirational figures. You will have no regrets. For those who have not done salsa before, get that nasty butt of your chair right now. Make a turn, do a hop and start singing. If you can do all that, you have what it takes to be the next “If you think you can dance”. So stop surfing around the internet and pick up the phone.

Dial this number 90902309 to join Boon in his salsa class. Trust me. This call will change your life from this moment.



As a rebate, if you sign up at “SalsaWithUS”, I present the very hard-to-get dancing coupon with Mr Virgin himself.

Please sign up with Boon and Evelyn and present this coupon to them. After you get their signature, you will be able to redeem it at Union Square. Just give it to the door bitch and I will revert to you shortly. Please remember to fill in your particulars okay.

Man In Trash

Do you feel like jumping into the trash can sometimes? Well, this man just did.

For everyone's information, Invisible Woman has changed her name to
Hamster Girl
due to the reason that she prefers
Bullet Proof Teeth
and
Ultra-Fast Munching Action.

The Things About The Birthday

Happy Birthday Mr Virgin

Happy Birthday to Meeeee
Happy Birthday to Meeeee
Happy Birthday to Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Happy Birthday to Meeeee

I would like to take this opportunity to thanks Airboy, Angel, Aquaman, Astro Boy, Automan, Bananaman, Batman, Beast, Black Knight, Black Lightning, Blade, Cable, Captain Planet, Cyclops, Darkwing Duck, Flash, Gambit, Green Lantern, Teether, Toilet Man, Wolverine, Batgirl, Invinsible Woman, Catwoman, Black Widow, DarkStar, FireBird, HawkGirl, Princess Katrina, MockingBird, MoonStone, PoisonGirl, Spitfire, Trinity, Teletubbies, WitchBlade and lastly, Topless Girl for their dearest birthday wishes.

It was just a normal Wednesday salsa night at Urine square. I was dancing my ass off and suddenly Mr. Virgin’s girlfriend appeared from nowhere and Mr. Virgin himself caught red-handed dancing with Missy Spitfire. I was shocked that my girlfriend actually came down here with a cake to celebrate mua’s birthday with my friends. I am very very very touched and was stunned by this action which no means I made any preparations for it. I am so so pleased and so so loved. Thanks for everything.

Celebrated with something different from the norm, Aqua man initiated a Birthday Rueda Circle. Cool!

The Thing about the Birthday Dance

The issue here is not that I don’t want to have a Birthday Dance. But imagine me standing in the middle of the dance floor with million pairs of eyes staring at me. And the music starts, and no ladies stepping forward to dance with me. I will be a laughing stock of the century. In order not to be that idiot, I think it would be safer that I give that a missed. Although I did get assurance from Invisible Woman and Topless Girl, but still, I’m scared. Well maybe next year, I guess.

Be Careful of What you Send

I have a major demo on Friday morning at 9 am in the morning, so I decided to get an early rest on Thursday night after my sumptuous birthday dinner celebration with some of my very good buddies at Gyu-Ka-Ku. I woke up in the morning to find so many messages of birthday wishes flooding my mobile. So happy and so touched, me as a very nice boy as always, decided to reply to all of them. Basically from the minute I woke up, I was replying messages all the way to 9 am at my client site. I was supposed to meet my boss at 845am for breakfast.
And now, the thing. (Everything via sms)

[Princess Katrina] Hey Dude, Good Morning! Happy Birthday, Stay Handsome Always and May you Salsa Forever!

[Mr. Virgin to PK] Hey hey. I very gan dong. Thanks for the message and thanks for being my friend. Damn, I am going for a demo now. I hope I don’t mess up.

[Princess Katrina] Hey Chill it Dude, I am sure you can do it. All the best ar…

[Mr. Virgin to PK] Hey Babe, that is so sweet. BTW, you look great in that dress today. Muacks. Love you.

[BOSS] Hi, I will be late. I just got onto a cab.

[Princess Katrina] Hey did you get the right person? What dress?

[Mr. Virgin to PK] That is not a dress?? J Anyway you look great today. Love you. Muacks.

[Mr. Virgin to BOSS] Not a problem, call me when you reach.

[Princess Katrina] My dear, did you get to see me today? Haiz, its okay lar, muacks muacks.

[Mr. Virgin to PK] Well, you left me alone and stranded in my dreams. Hey, this flirting has got to stop. I am going for my demo now. Love you muacks muacks.

[Boss] What muacks muacks? Demo starts already meh?

The morale of the story is that the next time you send a message, make sure you read and confirm the recipient.

Dancing etiquette

I was resting myself at a corner after several rounds of salsa-ing. I noticed Batman dancing away happily. I observed his moves and wanted to steal some of his Cuban shit. As he was dancing away, I slowly whispered and started singing to myself.

They call me Cuban Pete
I'm the king of the Rumba beat
When I play the maracas I go
Chick chicky boom
Chick chicky boom

Yes sir, I'm Cuban Pete
I'm the craze of my native street
When I start to dance everything goes
Chick chicky boom
chick chicky boom

So if you like the beat
Take a lesson from Cuban Pete
And I'll teach you to
Chick chicky boom
Chick chicky boom
Chick chicky boom

Damn that stupid bat, make me laugh like an idiot at the corner. But still his salivating Cuban Moves are so desirable. I need to buy a ticket to New York and learn from Mr. Carrey himself.

Back to the main point, I seriously admire Batman’s etiquette when he salsa. He is one of the few that really salsa with everyone. I see him walking around trying to find as much different salseras as possible to dance with. Some even with no idea how to salsa, he could still make them get their nasty butt off their seat to try his Cuban shit. I am ashamed of myself as I have actually blacklisted a lady in my little black book. The thought of selecting my partners disgust me but please listen to my point of view before scrutinizing me from dancing again.

I hate to dance with her. I really hate it. Why, you might ask? Coz damn it hurts. It is so damn bloody painful. Furthermore, the pain is long lasting and not just till the end of the dance. I actually took a second chance. Nope, I took a fifth chance of trying to dance with her, but still she is like that. She is from School A and I have danced with millions from School A. Any way I am from School J and I know that School A produces very good students with a very nice and firm hold. But this particular student from School A is not very nice and has a very very firm and intact hold. The way she holds my hand is exactly like how I would grab my pull up bar. Every right turn that I initiate, she will practically twist my fingers. Every turn that she makes, I will give out an “Ouch”. In order to rectify that, I will have to make her do a left turn to get things back. Think about if I were to make her a double right turn or even a triple right turn. My fingers would look like twisty fries forever.

Before

After

I can never afford to make a sacrifice like that to satisfy a lady. Any ideas of what I should do?

Ah a word of wisdom from my very good friend Aqua man. When one dances, is it more important to look good or feel good?

The thing is Mr. Banana man has a severe issue with lazy feet and his very big steps. I would think it’s because of his huge banana but still, we did highlight these issues to him before but I guess it takes a while for one to change. Mockingbird starts to bitch about him on how hideous unsightly he looks. Aqua man later pointed it out that “Hey Virgin, see how happy Banana is. I guess he is probably the happiest Salsero out there.” I looked at Banana and smiled. Yes, he looks like the happiest man out there. I felt happy. I realized that regardless how one dances, it does not really matters. What matters is that you must have fun. Be happy. As the saying goes,

“If Yan can dance, so can you!”

I am Almost Virgin !

Once and for all, I will answer out loud. On my birthday, a couple of friends came up to me.

“Eh…. ah……e….u….eh…. so today your birthday ah? So I guess after tonight, you will be virgin no more lah?”

I replied on the next day.

“My name is Still a Virgin. Ho ho ho!!!!”