Extra, Extra Read All About It!

“Extra, extra read all about it!” the young boy yelled. I snuffled the papers across his hands and handled him a dime. “Hey Sire, you are Almost Virgin! The papers are all talking about you” he exclaimed. I looked at the boy, astonished by the pure mentioning of my name. I took a puff off my wind pipe and let out some wind. I breathe and I read.

“Topless Girl upset over Lost Friend!”

Eye witnesses have said that Topless Girl wept while washing the plates due to lost friend. Details from trustworthy sources say that the incident was because of a friendship turn sour due to despicable Almost Virgin.

“I am definitely going to sue the Wall Times for slandering right?” I turned over to my side kick Professor BM. “Well you will need to read on, my dear friend.” BM replied. I twitched my eyebrow and gazed at him. I sat down by the coffee table of The Imperial along the 44th street. I took off my hat and took another puff.

A small boy around the age of fourteen scuttles next to me. “Would you like to have your shoes cleaned, Sir. It is a dusty day!” I looked at my shiny leather boots and then I glanced at the scantily dressed boy whose hunger can be quite easily seen across his face and said “Why not?” I opened the papers ready to see what more bullshit they could write on me. As the saying goes, “Do not bull shit the bull shitter!”

Almost Virgin and Topless Girl participating in dance competition have already been made known. But due to ripple effects, other unforeseen factors arise. Topless Girl saddened by the rejection of a regular dancing partner Salsa Jedi who has made sarcastic remarks which silently but impact-fully demolishes a young girl’s innocence on friendship. From Reuters Sources, eye witness Princess Katrina over heard the conversation.

“I heard it, I seen it all. Everyone knows that Salsa Jedi would dance with Topless Girl for like seven dances every time they see each other. But ever since that Virgin wants Topless to be his partner, Jedi seems to have faded off just like that. On last Saturday when Topless initiated a dance with Jedi, he arrogantly rejected her proposal and further claiming that why bother dancing with him since his moves is so predictable. Topless was devastated by a once close friend who now uses sarcasms on her. She could not dance the whole night.”

I looked at Prof BM and asked. “I thought Jedi was with Missy MapleSyrup? He looks to me as if he has the hots for Topless and he is blaming me for stealing Topless away.”

BM looked at me and smirked “Hey my dear friend, are you kidding me. Firstly you are engaged with Mrs. Virgin and hell you would never let her go because you love her too much. Secondly, c’mon look at yourself. Do you still think you have the charm of a twenty year old boy to steal other’s roses? Thirdly, I think Jedi is just upset for not joining the competition with Topless because you asked her first. And lastly, must be that damn thing Topless said.”

“What damned thing?” I pondered with my fingers twitching on my moustache. “What the hell could be that damn thing?”

“I heard from Missy Chatsalot that Topless said jovially that day to Jedi that he is predictable. He is probably upset because of that I guess.”

“But I get that kind of comments all the time.” I chuckled. “Nowadays, women are a difficult nut to crack. It takes so much more to please them.”

“That’s very true and I must agree. Well I guess Jedi should not be so, you know, about it” BM pointing to the shoe boy to get his turn on his shoes.

“To me it’s very simple you know BM, I think just let Jedi cool it for a period and probably he will be fine although I have to really bitch about him sometimes. If really the reason to all this sarcasms and broken friendship is because of this damn dance competition. I would say to the fuck with it. Everything was peaceful and nice where all of us would click together and joke together. We used to steal Batman’s underwear together remember? Just the three of us, we used to peep at Invisible Woman bathing though we can’t really be sure whether she is there. But still those were the good old days. I really hope Jedi and Topless starts dancing again.”

“Oh yeah, the good old days, I remember. Life was really good back then. Now the stress, the strain and all the ‘the blah the blah the blah’ is really getting on my nerves you know. Hey Virgin, why not we hold a Christmas party early this coming festive season?”

“That we will leave it to Mr. Claus I guess. He is always late every year for my Christmas present. Last year he gave me a vibrating dildo, that son of a bitch.” I snickered.

“At least you have something practical. I got a PlayBoy Magazine!” BM frowned.

“You moron, that is so cool. A Play Boy Magazine.” The shoe boy exclaimed!

“Well you want it, go ahead and take it. Damn that fat red ass he gave me a Play Boy Cover with Gay Men Pictures! Bastard!!”



I woke up in sweat. What a weird dream that was………