小人物的心声 – Thoughts from a small man

My name is Ah Boy. Many call me boy boy. I have been dancing salsa for close to a year plus now and I am getting sicker and sicker of the dance as no one understands me. I got to know the very nice, caring and sociable Almost Virgin recently and I intend to use his help to voice out some issues that I have been enduring for a really long time.

With a height of 1.55 meters, I am not considered one of the big boys around. I may be short but I have a passion for the dance greater or taller than most of the Salseros out there. It’s not my fault that I am born short. It’s not my fault that I want to be in direct contact with your armpit and it’s definitely not my fault that I want to see your breast in full blossom right in my face. It is just that I am shorter than the other handsome dudes out there.

I hate being shorter in my entire life. I am always the last to get picked in basket ball and I am always the last to get picked in everything. Salsa is a sport where no one will pick me and I will get to pick which ever lady that I want to lay hands on. At least that should be the way it should be. But……….

So many times people would reject me because of my height. I know as I can see it from their eyes. As I approach a lady for a dance, the lady would look around at her eye level seeing no one there. Slowly they will tilt their heads lower to see me looking up with such compassionate expression and they will than say yes. I have been rejected directly in my face before with some lame excuse although I know it is all just because of my damn height. My constant sniffing was not due to the flu bug but due to the people I have seen and heard gossiping about me.

I used to go home late at night after a fun night of dancing. My standard routine after that is to get a big towel and used it to wrap cubes of ice and put it around my neck. My mum had asked me so many times already.

[Mum] Ah boy ah, what happened to your neck?
[Boy] Nothing much, my neck just feels a bit sore.
[Mum] Every time you come back from dancing, I will see you do this.
[Boy] Don’t worry about me Ma, I will be fine tomorrow.

I can see my mum’s heart pain as she sees her ah boy suffering. I do not dare to tell her that my neck is sore because of the constant night of “looking up”. I had to practically look up to all dance partners in every dance of the night. Naturally, my neck would be sore but I will not give it up. The pain in my neck is negligible compared to my passion of the dance.

I don’t know about you but I do have some sick perverted friends always disturbing me by saying that I am the luckiest man on the dance floor. Why? Because of the proximity factor, I am the man closest to all the boobies of all the girls I get to dance with. Its not that I have a choice but one small mistake me or she makes might get my head “booped”. I will always answer back to those perverts that I am also the closer to the armpits to all the girls I get to dance with. Whenever they raise their hands for a right turn or a left turn, on good days, I will enjoy the aroma of “Lux” or “Chanel”. On bad days, sometimes I will get “Hugo” for MAN.

I always wanted to try a double right turn with a partner taller than me. But due to the reason that I am unable to stretch my hands to create a hallo around the ladies head, it makes things much more complicated. I guess I will just have to be contented with a single right turn with me on the edge of my toes.

I do not wish to bitch about my school instructors but sometimes I do get really fed up. Due to my petite body structure, sometimes I get into a lot of trouble doing the moves as instructed.

Number one on my list, I hate to do the tunnel. Tunnel here is that the lady will have to go under my armpit. Since I am short, the lady will have to go very low which makes it in such a way she will scrub against my armpit. Eeewwwwwwwwww!!!! So the instruction is that I have to jump or at least tip-toe so that the lady can go through. I am telling you, hell did I jump. I jump so high that I look like a monkey so that I can complete the move. It took me 20 tries after hitting the ladies head just before I got it.

Number two on my list is the breaking of the lady’s hands behind their back. As I am considered small sized, I have a difficulty stretching the ladies hands straight so that their hands could be nicely placed behind their back. In the event of learning these moves, I have sprained 3 and fractured 1 as of now. I wonder how many other victims will I victimized?

Number three on my list is the drop. Is it easier to balance a short pole on a long pole or a long pole on a short? Imagine me dropping a lady 1.5 times my height? Just to find the centre of gravity will be killing me. I usually land up on top of the lady on the floor.

Being short makes me more prone to danger from the dance floor. I am usually hit by the elbows from my partners because as they turn, their elbows are just about the height to hit me on the temple. I usually blank out for a split second before I continue with the next move with a wide smile across my face. Not only am I victimized by the elbows from my partner, I am also victimized from the others on the dance floor, man or woman. Again as it is the nice height for them.

Enough of the elbows, I also have a problem with the knee caps, especially on Bachata. Whenever I dance with a partner taller than me, with a close hold, I tend to get blue balls. Because I get knee-ed so often in my balls, the friction is causing me to get blue balls.

My mum is always so concerned with me getting a girl friend. I am 26 years old as of today and I am still a virgin. And as usual, as a forever concerned mother, she will always be asking me to find myself a suitable girlfriend.

[Mum] Ah boy ah, why you always go dancing and come back with a sore neck. Why you cannot come back with a ja bor?
[Boy] Aiyoh Ma, your boy here is a man of dignity. How can I do something like that? Unless they die die want me to bring them home lah.
[Mum] Never mind, you test test first. If engine not good then you change another one mah. Dance for so long already also no progress.
[Boy] Aiyoh Ma, this kind of thing cannot rush one. Nowadays we youngsters talk about chemistry one. Maybe one day I bring back someone taller than me you can accept or not?
[Mum] Taller than you? Neber mind one. When you lie down, every thing will be the same already!

-- silence --

[Boy] Eh…………. Orh!!

Author
Johnny Kwek