The one on the Boxing Day

Today is Boxing Day and Christmas is over. Although the rain is still pouring, but I am sure everyone is still in the holiday mood as New Year is on the way.

I haven’t really written something long since I cannot remember when. So I decided to take a quiet moment and bitch about something.

It occurs to me one fine day when this young lady accepted my dance offer but pulled me into the darkest corner of Union Square that I don’t even know exists. She said, “Cannot dance there. That is where all the experts dance and people will see.”

Okay now, let’s slowly analyze this statement part by part before putting the whole puzzle together. Cannot dance there? Who set the rules that one cannot dance there? If I were to have a few more beers, I think I would even dance on the bar top. Care to join me on the pool table? And now you tell me that I cannot dance there? Yes, I only paid fifteen dollars for the entrance and I am only restricted to certain designated areas in Union Square. I need to find the yellow box to dance.

Next, where do the experts dance? And who do you classify as experts? I do understand that a fair bit of the better dances or the so called the better followers and leaders tend to flock around the entrance area. But please do not think that that is logical. I on the other hand would proclaim them as the more regular dancers. Because they have been in Union Square for decades now and got to know quite a number of people. Only because their friends are there, that’s why they tend to hang around together there. Assuming that I applied for an Actfa Certificate which shows that I am a qualified Mercury Level 255 salsa dancer, I will then be allowed to stand together with all the experts and dance with all the experts? Obviously, no! I will look like an idiot.

Lastly, people will see. What do people see? Like Mr. Bruce in Sixth Sense. You are scaring the shit out of me. Oh my god, people are looking at us and so we can’t dance. Frankly, I have been through that and I am laughing at myself now. But as one grow, one takes a very different perspective then one took before. Months ago, when I can’t dance for shit, asking me to dance on the main dance floor is a more difficult option then asking me to go to hell. There are multiple reasons to account for such imbecile behavior and I would raise them out clear and loud.

• There were only good dancers around on the main floor.
• If I dance there, I would mess everything up.
• I was not up to the standard to qualify to dance on the main dance floor.
• If I happen to dance there, the authority would call the zoo saying that a chimpanzee has run free and created a nuisance to the rest of the very hot eye candies around.
• People would see and laugh at me and mock me and insult my dance moves.
• I would bring shame to my school and further more shame to myself.
• I cannot dance on beat and people would think that I am practicing for the Deepavali for the fire stone ceremony.
• I was scared that I might knock into people and disturb their perfectly choreographed dance moves.
• I was scared that people would knock into me and I will disturb their perfectly choreographed dance moves.

Hey people, I have been there before and yes I know how it feels. I don’t know about you but sometimes I will focus on a couple dancing and observe. It’s quite obvious to see when a lady enjoys a dance. Sometimes I do see some ladies frown in such a way, I think both the eyebrows met with wrinkles making a way around Australia. C’mon, cut the men some slack. Rome was not built in a day, salsa not completed with one lesson. And you men don’t think you are all that great. Want to know what I feel constitutes to a beautiful salsa dance?

Women’s following and styling.

Men’s leading and creativity.

In order to lead is not that simple. Having a good lead allows you to be creative. Please do not skip that step and move on to the next. You will break some arms and make blood pour. Judge your partner to understand what moves to make or break.

I strongly perceive Salsa as a showmanship sports. It’s like gymnastic. Damn it but I cannot remember the term for it but I am sure you know which one I am talking about. I am talking about the one where ladies do somersaults and jump around in that box trying very hard to score a perfect ten. I find Salsa similar. Salsa is not like doing other competitive sports like swimming to see who is the fastest or neither boxing to see who is the last man standing. Salsa is an art to perform to others who will be the one to perceive whether you can dance. If one is not going to dance for others to see, seriously I will be mean and say it loud. You are committing murder to Salsa. You are killing an art. You might as well play chess and stay at home.

It’s a mental barrier that one has to overcome. Why do you think there are so many dancers out there who have been dancing for years, still enrolling themselves in classes? Why do you think there are so many ladies enrolling in styling classes? Why do you think you got that pair of dancing shoes?

I asked a friend that day on these questions. Her answers are simple but yet meaningful.

[Almost Virgin] Why are you still taking classes?
[Anonymous] I want to learn more from different schools and also to know more friends. I am still single you know?
[Almost Virgin] Why did you take up that styling class from XXXXXXXXX?
[Anonymous] People will look when you dance. If I don’t put some patterns in my style, people will get bored to look at me and my partner will get bored to look at me. I am still single you know?
[Almost Virgin] How many pairs of shoes do you have?
[Anonymous] Eh… I think I have four now.
[Almost Virgin] Why do you need so many?
[Anonymous] I need to pick the one to go with what I wear on that day. Although black is very safe but the whole world has it. Furthermore I cannot do without my dancing shoes. Firstly, I need them for lessons as that stupid XXXXXXX keep making us turn during lessons and secondly, I need those shoes so that I can turn better when I dance with guys. I am still single you know.

I believe many out there have made friends all over our little town because of Salsa. How many of you out there had spent this Christmas celebrating with your dancing friends. How many presents have you received from the friends you have met dancing on the dance floor? Have you ever imagine what your life would have been if you had not stepped onto this path?

I asked around that day on some people on the following questions. What do you think you would have been doing instead if you did not come to Union today?

[A] I guess I would stay at home.
[B] I will be watching a movie.
[C] I will be staying at home watching porn.
[D] Do my nails lor!
[E] Reading a book does not sound too assuring right?
[F] I would have been in a night club.
[G] I will be playing chess at home.

So what have you achieved by learning Salsa and coming to Union Square?

[A] I can meet my friends
[B] I can meet you.
[C] I can dance my night away. Oh yeah!
[D] I can enjoy the music and meet new girls
[E] The drinks are cheap and maybe I can get lucky.
[F] If not because of salsa, I would not have met her.

[Almost Virgin] If not because of Salsa, I would not have met you. And you would not have been reading this post. Unless, you happen to come across this post by my other friends who has been spreading it around and if you are my friend’s friends, you will also be my friend. So please get a life, and get that lazy bum of yours out of that comfy little chair and let’s dance.

Merry Christmas and A Happy New Year.

My Sunway Lagoon Pics

Sorry folks, is cam whoring time again. So sit back and relax and enjoy my pictures.

Call me Ignorant, but did you know?

Crappy Pick up Methods at Union square

Recently, there is an uprising of street pickups happening at Union Square. I have been hanging out at US for a year now and it seems that only recently, desperate horny man has decided to shift their attention from clubs like MOS, MoMo or even Zouk to our little Salsa community to steal our women. It seems that Salsa is getting popular on the little dot on the map. I assure the salseros around me, there is no fear. These men use the lamest and stupidest ways and methods to pick up a girl. Let’s take a few examples from the friends around me.

On October 14, Saturday, a guy approached Mockingbird. Claiming that he was a Salsa Instructor in Philippines and wanted Mockingbird to be his partner because Mocking dances very beautifully and she is tall and suitable for him. Duhhhhhhh!

Lame!!! Fail. I can always declare myself as a Salsa Instructor from the country of Honolulu!! Please use a better excuse to trick Singapore woman out of the country to kill them you bastards.

On December 16, Saturday, a loser approached Missy Chatsalot. He said he has two angels with him on his table and wants Chatsalot to be his third angel. Duhhhhhhh!

Corny!!! Fail. Angels are so old school kind of pick up line. Since you have two, why do you need a third? Unsatisfiable jerk!

On December 21, Thursday, a creepy old man approached Xiao-Xiao-Gong-Zhu and said that his friend would like to know her.

Stupid!!! Fail. Let’s talk about the creepy old man. Firstly, he is old and he is creepy. Secondly, do not smoke while picking up a lady. Now let’s talk about the friend. If you want to pick up a girl, do it yourself. Absolute no confidence if you ask someone else to do it for you. Why not ask your friend to satisfy your wife? Loser!


Do you want to know the nice and right way to pick up a girl? Read on…..

Erotic dance

I have a very good friend learning erotic dance. She is a very nice and simple girl. She is friendly, thoughtful, very helpful and very sensitive. And yes, you owe me 5 dollars for this publicity.

And back to the Erotic Dance. It is not Exotic Dance. I would classify Exotic dance like belly dancing, lap dancing or even pole dancing. Let me illustrate the meaning of Erotic Dance Class.

The classes are strictly for ladies. All students are supposed to dress down to only bras and panties. Instructors to dress down to only panties and star-shaped stickers on the nippies. Picture that, my friend.

During class, the instructors taught their students the proper way to suck and lick a lollipop to entice a man. They taught them how to move their body, how to show their assets, their ass, their ***** in front of their toy mate. The ladies would pair up and take turns sitting on a chair being the man. I hope Santa could make my Christmas wish come true this year.

Mr. BBB is seeing someone

Did you know? Mr. Bare Butt Boy is seeing someone? I always find happiness seeing my dear friends falling in love. The smile when one is in love radiates happiness in a different way. His small eyes and cute little dimples, accompanied by the smile, warm my heart. A small little peck on his cheek by Missy BBB tinkles all the senses on me while I just stood there watching them dance. I asked him after his dance. “Eh… someone is in love.” He shyly replied “Ya lor, we are seeing each other lar.” From his stutters, I can see the comparison between his shy inner self as compared to his loud and bold dancing moves. Scandalous!

Strong Competitors at Salsa Comp

I heard from reliable sources on who are the rest of my competitors for this Salsa Competition on the 31st December. Apparently, there is this very cute guy by the name of Mr. CuteGuy. I am worried that he might score on presentation, showmanship, versatility, and dressing because he is just so damn cute.

I have decided to wear a mask for the competition. Something like what the phantom will wear.

The Bodyline of Katrina and TG

Recently, I happened to hit upon the chance to see Princess Katrina and Topless Girl’s bodyline. And boy, would people be envious of me. I can proudly say that Princess Katrina has a better figure compared to Topless Girl. Scandalous!

The people that I miss at Union

Does anyone miss the old man who is always wearing a red shirt? He always prefers to dance with beginners. Then he will throw them around on the dance floor.

I miss the skinny artist with golfer’s cap together with his China looking salsa partner. Apparently they can dance very well. The last rumor I heard was that he was caught in the female toilet red handed and in his defense, he said that he wanted to get inspiration for his new drawing. His piece of art was sold at 20 thousand dollars. So I heard.

What happened to the Crazy Shine Girl? Can anyone remember this lady who is always alone and she will start to do her own shine in the middle of the dance floor by herself?

I remembered when I started learning Salsa 14 months ago, there were an influx of Japanese ladies around. There were Akiko, Ayako, Maiko, Mayako, Keiko, Tomato. But now where are the Japanese Ladies at Union Square?

The way to win a ladies heart by Mr. J

I have a friend by the name of Mr. J. His actual name is Mr. Jose Mohose. Or simply you can call him “Ho Say Bo Ho Say”. True incidents quoted with examples to attract and win a women’s heart. Something really basic, start with the following.

On days when the lady is feeling cold, tired or sick, play music that the partner likes. Even though you hate them so much, you still have to do it. For example, Princess Katrina was having gastric; Jose Mohose would play Princess Katrina’s favorite salsa music so that she can have a good rest in the car on the way home. Jose knows the actual track, the actual version and the actual volume of the song that she likes. Eh? Killer moves on the ladies. He scores. Scandalous!

Something different, one can try while trying to attract ladies, would be this.

On a faithful day, Mr. Jose Mohose was the caller for the Rueda Circle. Being in a happy mood as Princess Katrina was there too, he wanted to highlight his ability to become a song bird. His calls were firm and clear, I would say very audible. And so everyone had a happy Rueda dance. At the end of the dance, a lady walks up and said this to him. “Your calls were very loud just now. May I dance with you?”

And now Mr. Virgin is jealous. So many often Mr. Virgin would call the commands in a Rueda Circle, but no one ask him to dance because of that. I think he needs to raise his voice louder.

But finally, I would like to wish everyone a

Happy Chinese Winter Solstice Festival!

The Bitchy Talk on the Singapore Salsa Congress

Hi folks, please read the following forum article. Its damn bitchy. If you have been in the salsa scene for some time, you would know who are the people involved.

http://groups.msn.com/grupolatin/salsa1.msnw?action=get_message&ID_Message=4903&ShowDelete=0&CDir=-2

To sum it up for the lazy readers, the main article is as so.

By Green Eyed Monster

After watching the most recent Singapore Salsa Congress unfold in a most spectacular fashion. I have to say that I am very impressed by the way it was run. It was great that many Singaporeans received free tickets and did not have to pay, else it might have been an event limited to only the small group of international Salsa dancers who came down. I guess the locals weren't expecting much of this event. It was great to see SalsaE, Salsa Daily, AAVX, ACTFA, AAVU, SalsaHub, ACDance (the list goes on) and all other studios/magazines/websites who collaborated with Xenbar to put up this brilliant congress. Though I was always under the impression that they were all set up by the same person...

I have to say that I was thoroughly impressed by the competitions that were held during the festival. At MOS, who would have thought to hold a competition and then present a prize to yourself - the organiser! Sheer brilliance, if I do say so myself. As for the 'World' Salsa Championship held at Union Square, it was another excellent idea. To have Asia's 'Top' Salsera Judging must have been a real source of pride and honour for the competitors, especially since more than half of them were trained by this Salsera herself. It was definitely a good thing then, that a strong Singaporean couple managed to clinch second place, lest the International Salsa dancers who came down leave feeling that the local scene is not very strong. Well, that can't really be helped, since most of the other better local dancers didn't want to take part in any competition that had anything to do with Xenbar, or had no real prestige, and no prize money.

Oh, and not forgetting the event at the Kallang Theatre! Wow! What a sold out performance it was. I am certain almost every Salsero/a in Singapore was in attendance. With tickets priced higher than internationally-acclaimed shows like Lady Salsa, it is such an honour for the local dance scene. I did hear some mutters of "crazy pricing" and "ridiculous show", but that must have been by sour grapes from other studios who are obviously envious of Xenbar's greatness. Yes yes, Xenbar is definitely THE place to learn salsa at the moment. With Asia's 'Top' Salsera AND, even better, her Instructor, there is no studio in Singapore that has anybody who can match up to that. Afterall, its is claimed that Yan Qing is one of the top salsa performers and instructors in the world and teacher Master Level salsa. Don't forget her Professional Salsa Dance Certification Level 6, which she is currently pursuing with Actfa. (Wait, isn't that set up by Justin? Or am I missing something)

Oh well, whatever! Lets all quit whatever studios we are learning at and go join Xenbar now! I'm a really keen dancer, so maybe i'll take Xenbar's 3 Years Part-Time Dance Performer & Instructor Course, it ONLY costs a one-time payment of $22,000! So cheap, good bargain man. Maybe after that I will become Asia's 'Top' Salsero?

Cheerio~



Summary on the comments by Almost Virgin

1. It costs a bloody $22,000 to take up a 3 Years Part-Time Dance Performer & Instructor Course at Xen Bar
2. There is a dozen of websites namly http://www.salsadvd.com/, http://www.acdance.com/, http://www.salsae.com/, http://www.actfa.com/, http://www.worldsalsanews.com/, http://www.aavx.com/, http://www.auvu.com/, all hosted by the same person or same organisation.
3. A guy named Nixon standing by Xenbar would like to have a better insight to the salsa scene in Singapore
4. Nixon kanna bombarded for faking his identity and in the end was disclosed by La CuCaRaCha. Personal details on Nixon shown on forum.
5. Nixon wanted to sue La CuCaRaCha for doing so as he knows a lot of lawyers. Furthermore, he is powerful enough to do so as the business his company is dealing in is quite powerful.
6. A lot of comments on spelling mestakes.
7. Comments on Xen Bar on over-priced course fees and the expensive tickets on the Salsa Congress. Although less than promised courses were introduced.
8. Free Tickets given to MOS Party.
9. Comments on Xen Bar degrading the salsa standard in Singapore.
10. Multiple performers/instructors previewed before the Salsa Congress did not show up.
11. Xen Bar contribution to the charity.

Comments by Almost Virgin.

Frankly I do not wish to get involve in this bitchy talk. So please anything that I say or I write here is of no offense to anyone. This is just a diary by Almost Virgin.

Firstly, $22,000 is quite ridiculous. At least for me. I can have 11,000 KFC drumsticks in a year with that amount of money. Which means that I can have around 900 KFC drumsticks in a month. Which means I can have 30 drumsticks per day. Assuming I spend 15 hours awake everyday, I can have 2 drumsticks every hour. Okay I think I should stop with the KFC shit.

Secondly, having a dozen websites done by the same person or organisation is really quite suspicious. I have no idea who the hell has the time and effort to do so. I already have problem trying to make my blog as happening as possible. To think about having to host 20 of them. But I guess money making organisations are suppose to be like that. This person must be making quite a lot of money.

Thirdly, Nixon? Who is Nixon. I only know one Nixon. He looks like a nice and quiet guy. The Nixon that I know is tall and specy. He does not seem to be involved in a company who is all so powerful.

The shit about spelling mistakes. People err. Leave the poor man alone.

On Xen Bar? Heard about it but never knew the price. At least I know I cant afford it. I will keep mum on that.

On Yan Qing, absolute gorgeous and pretty dancer. Elegant and Dignified. Taste in men, I will keep quiet on that.

On Justin, I will just keep quiet.

But still I will applaud Xen Bar for making the effort to organise a Salsa Event in our little town. My honest opinion is that the advertising was quite bad and the whole event seems quite dead prior to the Salsa Congress. There is no "Everyone is talking about it" feel going around.

I sincerely admire Xen Bar for making a contribution to the charity. But on the basis that they are not trying to launder.

I really love this quote.

"does the fact that if thaksin srinawat were to donate US$20 million to charities and yet be charged with corruption or improper business activities make him a responsible/ethical businessman"

Finally, I actually have second thoughts prior to posting this entry but since I am in a bitchy mood today.

To the hell with it.

Help me, My Friend!!!

I wished I had more time, but time is not on my side. The Salsa competition is causing a hell of a pressure on me.

1. I have no mood to work.
2. I have no time to keep Mrs Virgin company which I am very very sorry.
3. I have no time to blog which I am so so sorry too.
   

I blame a lot of things and cicumstances for my current very disturbed emotions.

1. I blame Union Square for not announcing the competition earlier.
2. I blame myself for not practicing earlier.
3. I blame the stupid weather for being wet wet wet everyday.
4. I blame my work for making me work till 3 am last night.
5. I blame myself for not knowing what to wear. (TG has already got herself a costume. Wah Kauz!!! Stress me lor!!!)

My whole body is aching from the intensive practice sessions we had these few days.

Topless girl is down with flu, cough, headache, everything.

My back is hurting, both thighs are weak and my shoulder is killing me.


I went to submit the application form yesterday and it seems that there is quite a number of people participating in this year's Salsa Comp. I see a stack of filled forms underneath the drawer. So it seems that the competition heat is on.

Bring it on!!!


I need to find a way to relax. Maybe going Sim Po Po will help. In another 30 minutes, I will be off for my practice session again. I have decided to use the ultimate method which I have been using the last year to release stress. I will be going Union tonight to dance it all out.

If you are out there supporting me, kiss me my friend.

A little something on everything

Hey folks. I thank thee and everyone else out there who has been reading my blog. Who else but you to share my bitchiness. I guess its that time of the year where everyone is busy doing their own things and too busy blogging as I see few of the hard core bloggers updating their blogs. So sad that there is nothing for me to read during my lunch break. But anyway, I will be going for my trip now so I guess I better drop a few craps here and there for everyone. Its quite lame anyway but hope its entertaining. So take care and adieus.

A little something on teaching Thai

Hi Boys and Girls, Mr. Almost Virgin today will teach you a little something on speaking Thai. Remember to practice hard so that you can try to bluff your way through while communicating with Thai people.
So here goes.

随 : Pretty (Pronounced as Sui(1))
E.g.
[English] This shirt is pretty.
[Thai] This shirt is随.

卖 : Negative Expression (Pronounced as Mai(4))
[English] This shirt is very ugly (卖随).
[Thai] This shirt is卖随.

骂骂: Expression for a lot, very much (Pronounced as Mak(4))
[English] This shirt is very pretty.
[Thai] This shirt is随骂骂.

撒挖的卡: Thai form of Greeting (Pronounced as Sa(1) Wa(1) De(1) Ka(4)) Often used with palms together placed in front of chest.
[English] Hello. How are you?
[Thai] 撒挖的卡. How are you?

色百的埋: Question form of greeting. How are you? Are you okay? (Pronounced as Se(3) Bai(3) De(2) Mai(1))
[English] Hello. How are you?
[Thai] 撒挖的卡. 色百的埋?

色百: A response to show that one is good, feeling okay. (Pronounced as Se(3) Bai(3))
[English] I am fine. Thank you.
[Thai] 色百. Thank you.

库困卡: Thank you. (Pronounced as Kup(3) Kun(1) Ka(4))
[English] I am fine. Thank you.
[Thai] 色百. 库困卡.

扑影: Girl, Lady (Pronounced as Pu(4) Ying(2))
[English] This is a lady.
[Thai] This is a扑影.

晶晶：Really (Pronounced as Jing(1) Jing(1))
[English] Are you sure? I confirm guarantee plus chop.
[Thai] 晶晶? 晶晶!!!

可腿: Lady Man. Ah Kua. (Pronounced as Ke(4) Tuai(2))
[English] This is a lady man.
[Thai] This is a可腿.

那卡: Expression used at the end of a sentence.(Pronounced as Na(3) Ka(2))
[English] That bitch tried to kill me leh…..
[Thai] That bitch tried to kill me 那卡…..

哈几湖与拉热弄: Expression for scolding vulgarity (Pronounced as Ha(1) Ji(2) Hu(2) Yu(3) La(1) Ren(2) Nong(4))
[English] @#$%^&*()@#$%^&*(
[Thai] 哈几湖与拉热弄

Story in English.
[Lestat] Hey Chantelle, how are you?
[Chantelle] I am fine. Thank you.
[Lestat] Hey, that girl is very pretty.
[Chantelle] Not pretty. Not pretty. That is a lady boy leh.
[Lestat] Really? Damn!! Freaking morons! @#$%^&*()@#$%^&*(

Story in Thai
[乐死他] 海， 缠跳。 撒挖的卡. 色百的埋?
[缠跳] 色百。 库困卡。
[乐死他] 海，扑影随骂骂。
[缠跳] 卖随。卖随。可腿那卡。
[乐死他] 晶晶？哈几湖与拉热弄！

A little something on teaching Singlish.

Hi Boys and Girls, Mr. Almost Virgin today will teach you a little something on speaking Singlish. Remember to practice hard so that you can try to bluff your way through while communicating with our fellow Singaporeans.
So here goes.

English	Singlish
My name is...	I'm
What's your name?	Your?
Where are you from?	Where your from? or Your from where?
Make yourself at home?	Eh, don' shy
I really like the food.	Food here is damn shiok man
Shall we meet up tomorrow?	Tomorrow, you what time can?
I don't really understand	How come lai dat?
That's really interesting	Oh is it?
Work is fine.	Lai dat lor
I think you must have made a mistake	Neh mind
I don't understand	Sorry ah, can say again?
Can you repeat that please?	Huh?
What is this?	This is what?
What does it mean?	What talking you?
Where are you up to tonight?	Tonight go where huh?
I can't make it	Cannot make it lah
This is very nice	Eh belly nice one
Excuse me, where is the washroom please?	Accuse me, toy-lert where?
Is there a problem?	Got problem ah?
Where are you up to tonight?	Tonight go where?
Can you or can't you?	Can ah?
Yes.	Can lah.
Yes. Of course	Can leh.
Yes. I think so	Can lor.
Are you sure?	Can huh?
You are sure then.	Can hor.
Are you certain?	Can meh?

A little something on acronyms

UNION
Urinate Nightly Is Often Nice

MOVIDA
Motion On Vets Is Dog’s Analogy

THUMPERS
The Holy Underwear Means Peaceful Eternal Resting Sleep

UPPER CLUB
Usually Party People Ejects Rapidly. Cute Lesbians Uses Brinjal.

ST James.
Street Technique. Jump Across Multiple Erotic Strippers.

A little something on jokes

Do not peek, try to answer the question before scrolling down. Don't cheat. Select all to see the answers. Select all by pressing on (Ctrl + A). Give it a try~~~

What is Happy’s surname?

Lee (Happily)

What is Happy’s gender?

Male (Happy Meal)

What is Happy’s Occupation?

Nurse (Happiness)

What is the name of Happy’s auntie?

Aunt Happy (Unhappy)

Why is my shirt Superman’s shirt always so tight?

Because he always wears a size “S” for his shirt.

Thats all folks. Love you!!

The Last Straw

I have had it!! Enough is Enough!!

Christmas is coming to town but yet the whole word is leaving it. I was stoning romancing with Mrs. Virgin one day and it came to me that all my friends are going out of town.

Mr. Green Lantern is going on a Kelong Trip!!

Mr. Batman went to a land far far away, which I am not allowed to say just in case you will know who he is. So I will not say where so that you will not know of what I know that you do not know that who he is. He likes it mysterious.

Missy Chatsalot and Mr. Incredible are going to Desaru. Although currently, it is monsoon season so they practically can’t do much and will just have to rot in the resort, chalet, or love motel. BUT!!!! Incredible can actually realize how Missy Chatsalot chats a lot and Missy Chatsalot can see how incredible Mr. Incredible is on the bed.

Mr. and Mrs. Humpsalot are having a hell of a time in Bangkok right at this moment when I am typing this out. He better bring me back the KFC drumlets he promised. Or else, I will guarantee he will become Mr. Humpcannot! For those who have never tried the KFC drumlets in Bangkok? I will term you losers. As the saying goes, you are not considered a man if you have not been to the Great Wall of China and you are considered a wimp if you have not eaten the KFC drumlets of Thailand. They serve the best KFC drumlets in the world. Spicylicious!!!!

To cut it short, I have Mr. and Mrs. Ching back from Shanghai from their honeymoon although they missed their flight back due to the stoopit ticket stub. For your information, in China, the ticket stubs shows not the time for check in but for the time for departure!!!

Miss Tye is in London meeting the in-laws and I am sitting here with Mrs. Virgin getting a rest from Lost in Vivo City!!

So we decided to go on a holiday!!!

We walked into a tour agency that day and we got out tickets to Sunway Lagoon.

Normal room @ $322

Normal buses @ $140

Upgrade room @ $140

Upgrade coach @ $80

Hole in the pocket @ $682

To bring her smile on her face @ Priceless

So the end I will be going to Sunway Lagoon this Thursday sitting on a luxurious VIP coach with massage chair and personal TV with games!!! Imagine 5 to 6 hours of massage, that will be FEAR FACTOR!!!! I will probably land up feeling like jelly. But anyway, I love the room though. We upgraded to a suite for our little honeymoon and also just trying to see if I could rename my nick from Mr. Almost Virgin to Mr. OhMyGod!!

Why the difference?

Abstracted from the web but I think its farnie and I would love to share it. Ho Ho Ho!!!

Do you know the difference between Paris and New York?

Paris...

And New York...

Do you know the difference between the Air Force and the Army?

Well, here’s the Air Force

And..here’s the Army!

What’s the difference between a french biker and a Morrocan biker ?

Why do women live longer than men?

Why are women more attractive than men?

Why do women have two hands?

And why do men have two hands?

All women are phony and fake!

I remember the day when I said to my girlfriend that she is all phony and fake.

It was just two days ago while I was driving as I turned over and faced her. I said "I don’t love you anymore. You have changed. Now you look so fake, so artificial so unnatural. I used to love you for who you are. I would not even mind your consistent farting and nose digging sessions. Everything about you now is so not right. Nowadays you are always so cold and you look so plastic."

I wept as I reached over for a piece of tissue while doing this blog entry. It’s not easy to let go but it’s even more difficult to be with someone that you are not comfortable with. I looked up and thought to myself. People used to ask me the question as to which kind of companion I am looking for. Or rather, what are the qualities of a woman that will attract me? Probably many have known and for those who don’t, please help to spread the words around.

I am a very face person. With the looks of an angel is all I asked for.

What if she is…………

Bald?
I can accept.

Fat?
I am too.

Short?
I am not that tall myself.

Hairy?
Allrighty!!!!!!!!!

I will be charmed by women who can speak very well. Not in the way with the fake British accent swarming across the hall or neither the Singaporean Ah-Lian T-E-C-N-O Techno Techno forms of accent. I am looking for a confident speaker, someone who possesses a pinch of attitude of self-conceited arrogance.

To sum it up, I would be extremely happy if a lady pops by and she is pretty, very pretty. Besides having a face to die for, she has an extremely sexy body. Vase-like but yet proportionate. She is very successful in her career, someone who is independent, someone who speaks in seven languages including African Native Tribal Languages. A confident and yet arrogant biatch. BIaTCH!

Assuming if the “Opposite Attracts” rule still stands, I would need to be ugly, very ugly.

I need to have a face so repulsive, people would die. Meaning, people see, people die. I will need to have an extremely unattractive body. Maybe something like this would be appropriate, I guess.

So the rule of the game is that one should love a person for whom she is. Take her as an example. Her boobies just keep growing. And thanks to the invention of botox. She is sculpt to how she looks now.

Some one more international and you will know what I mean. Having her nose done four times in a year is no small feat.

I bet she has not been able to breathe properly the entire year.

Finally the last person that I want to bitch about is him.


I admire his talents, his music, and his salivating dance moves. I am proud of him for setting the records so high up in Billboards in 1993 where no one will ever beat. I am proud of him to be the first human after Neil Armstrong to be on another planet. Although he was on another planet for the reason that he was abducted for human anal probe analysis, but still he himself is a legend. What in the world was he thinking making a rojak out of his face.

Take it from these three examples. I believe all of them looked beautiful in the first place. There should be no need for extra toppings or rather no fascinating makeover is required. Things look the prettiest when they are natural.

Being natural is no easy stunt. For one to truly understand the meaning of natural beauty needs courage and strength. For a start we can start with the following.

• Let your hair portrays its natural beauty at its natural length. Do not cut it.
  
• Let your armpit hair grow up to its maximum length and it will stop naturally. Do not deliberately go and pluck it. If not it will be like a cock without a crown. Comb extensively in front of mirror if required so that the hair will remain smooth and straight.
  
• Let your leg hair grow. It will not get too long. Trust me. Although it will start to get curly, but the trick is to use more moisturizer. This is because when your guy starts stroking your leg, he will notice how smooth and tender your leg hairs are.
  
• Never ever get a bikini wax. Let the pubic area slowly and densely become Bukit Timah Nature reserve. Make sure it gets thick enough so that the next time when you wear a bikini, you can see glimpses of hair squeezing out from the side. Beautiful!

Told you it’s not easy to be a natural beauty. After a short discussion with my girlfriend, it seems that there are only a couple of choices that I can fall in love with.

HO HO HO Merry Christmas!!!