Almost Virgin: All women are phony and fake!

I remember the day when I said to my girlfriend that she is all phony and fake.

It was just two days ago while I was driving as I turned over and faced her. I said "I don’t love you anymore. You have changed. Now you look so fake, so artificial so unnatural. I used to love you for who you are. I would not even mind your consistent farting and nose digging sessions. Everything about you now is so not right. Nowadays you are always so cold and you look so plastic."

I wept as I reached over for a piece of tissue while doing this blog entry. It’s not easy to let go but it’s even more difficult to be with someone that you are not comfortable with. I looked up and thought to myself. People used to ask me the question as to which kind of companion I am looking for. Or rather, what are the qualities of a woman that will attract me? Probably many have known and for those who don’t, please help to spread the words around.

I am a very face person. With the looks of an angel is all I asked for.

What if she is…………

Bald?
I can accept.

Fat?
I am too.

Short?
I am not that tall myself.

Hairy?
Allrighty!!!!!!!!!

I will be charmed by women who can speak very well. Not in the way with the fake British accent swarming across the hall or neither the Singaporean Ah-Lian T-E-C-N-O Techno Techno forms of accent. I am looking for a confident speaker, someone who possesses a pinch of attitude of self-conceited arrogance.

To sum it up, I would be extremely happy if a lady pops by and she is pretty, very pretty. Besides having a face to die for, she has an extremely sexy body. Vase-like but yet proportionate. She is very successful in her career, someone who is independent, someone who speaks in seven languages including African Native Tribal Languages. A confident and yet arrogant biatch. BIaTCH!

Assuming if the “Opposite Attracts” rule still stands, I would need to be ugly, very ugly.

I need to have a face so repulsive, people would die. Meaning, people see, people die. I will need to have an extremely unattractive body. Maybe something like this would be appropriate, I guess.

So the rule of the game is that one should love a person for whom she is. Take her as an example. Her boobies just keep growing. And thanks to the invention of botox. She is sculpt to how she looks now.

Some one more international and you will know what I mean. Having her nose done four times in a year is no small feat.

I bet she has not been able to breathe properly the entire year.

Finally the last person that I want to bitch about is him.

I admire his talents, his music, and his salivating dance moves. I am proud of him for setting the records so high up in Billboards in 1993 where no one will ever beat. I am proud of him to be the first human after Neil Armstrong to be on another planet. Although he was on another planet for the reason that he was abducted for human anal probe analysis, but still he himself is a legend. What in the world was he thinking making a rojak out of his face.

Take it from these three examples. I believe all of them looked beautiful in the first place. There should be no need for extra toppings or rather no fascinating makeover is required. Things look the prettiest when they are natural.

Being natural is no easy stunt. For one to truly understand the meaning of natural beauty needs courage and strength. For a start we can start with the following.

Let your hair portrays its natural beauty at its natural length. Do not cut it.
Let your armpit hair grow up to its maximum length and it will stop naturally. Do not deliberately go and pluck it. If not it will be like a cock without a crown. Comb extensively in front of mirror if required so that the hair will remain smooth and straight.
Let your leg hair grow. It will not get too long. Trust me. Although it will start to get curly, but the trick is to use more moisturizer. This is because when your guy starts stroking your leg, he will notice how smooth and tender your leg hairs are.
Never ever get a bikini wax. Let the pubic area slowly and densely become Bukit Timah Nature reserve. Make sure it gets thick enough so that the next time when you wear a bikini, you can see glimpses of hair squeezing out from the side. Beautiful!

Told you it’s not easy to be a natural beauty. After a short discussion with my girlfriend, it seems that there are only a couple of choices that I can fall in love with.