The Momma's Boy

I am not feeling too well now. The bloody murderer SGB7733A got me real bad. I guess the tyre marks were still over my new furnished coat I got at “Doggy Pawz”. As I am lying restlessly on my bed, I think about my life and I smiled.

My momma is a sexy little bitch; she adopted me when I was two. Some times they will call me Justin, and other times, they will call me Naughty. C’mon, make up your mind. But as long as there is food, they can call me whatever they like. My momma is a 21 year old full grown sexy-salivating-attractive-gorgeous-beautiful woman. I used to love doing the right turns together with her when she practices her salsa moves.

I don’t really remember what my original parents look like but my momma always tell her friends that my dad was a “Labrador Retriever” and my mum a “Shiba Inus” so I guess I got mixed really well and I think I am a “Labrainus”.

I remember when my momma took me to my first puppy class. I was so scared at first to go in, but then I found the most beautiful silver Maltese bitch. I am telling you, she is so pretty, she made my heart beat real fast. I wish I could have played with her if you know what I mean, but all the mommas and pappas made their kids sit and lay down while this lady talked and talked and talked. I yawned loudly at her to show how boring she was but instead I was screwed by momma for being a bad boy.

I guess life was pretty nice being a pet. When I am hungry i will go “WOOF”. When I need to pee, I go “WOOF”. When I need to shit I go “WOOF”. When I needed attention, I go “WOOF”. When I am angry, I go and destroy their slippers. I mean that was easy.

My momma had been really nice to me as she had never hit me before and she has always been generous with me on dog bites. Love the OREO company for coming up with OREO dog food.

Sometimes I would stare at my momma and her group of friends whenever they go crazy when they see me. All of them would start going “Come here, come here, you sweet little thing”. Damn you humans, firstly, I am not a thing and secondly, I am not Smith from the matrix, I cannot go **Poof** and there you are, 25 of me appearing in front of everyone. You will have to queue!! It will be your turn soon.

I am a nasty horny little dog. Actually I am not that little. I used to hump at Uncle Johnny’s leg all the time and he never stops me. Guess my momma should have gotten me a bitch instead of me getting all paranoid and homophobic.

Humans are quite pathetic as they need us to pamper them. Behave extremely cute and you could easiliy see that smile flash across their faces. Why do humans make a big deal when a doggie passes gas, but when they do it...they want us to come and smell it.

Momma got this brand new computer two months ago. and it died on her last week. boy was she mad. She even said words that dogs are not suppose to hear. I went up to her and gave her my famous Elvis Presley lap dance and shortly she was happy again.

Okay, now to end it all, my life as a man’s best friend had been pretty good. With the love of my sexy little bitch and all the nasty treaties that I have been getting. Even if I really had to go now and be Saint Peter’s pet, I have no regrets. But if given a choice, I would still rather be my momma’s boy.

And before I go, my last note to my momma. I loved you before and I will love you forever.

Author
Johnny Kwek

Dedicated to Karen and her Dog.