The Diary of a Kept Woman

This story is totally fictional and if it happens to you, it’s a mere coincidence.

SUNDAY SEPTEMBER 24
I just got fucked. Me lying in bed holding my cigarette in my fingers, I took a puff and exhaled. I needed that cigarette not to enjoy the after-sex but to forget. I believe I could get an orgasm more easily from a salsa dance on the dance floor as compared to the humping action from what I just received. I mean it’s incredible, to exaggerate it, I can simply say that I can have my Linguini Mariana while he screws me. The feeling is and will be the same. How long did it last? Have you ever farted? Yup, it takes relatively the same time for him to finish. He is coming out of the shower now, will carry on tomorrow.

MONDAY SEPTEMBER 25
Where was I? I remember now, the Linguini Mariana. How weird it gets sometimes when I try to entertain myself in my diary.

I hate these fucking cigarettes. They stink and they smell so bad that it would repel every other nice guy that I meet. Damn these smelly dickheads. But…….. They are my best friends when I needed peace and tranquility to unleash myself. Too much coke and weed is bad for my health and it gets into my spinning techniques. Once tried taking weed prior to dancing on the dance floor. My body was spinning and my head was spinning. Both of these do not work together. From then, I have decided to choose the healthier option of stuffing myself in the haze of the cigarettes.

TUESDAY SEPTEMBER 26
I received a call from my sister today. She is turning 21 soon. She is slowly transforming into a very beautiful woman. Hope she will not grow up to be like me.

FRIDAY SEPTEMBER 29
I cried today because they made me remember stuffs. I remember learning ballet just like them when I was 6. So carefree and innocent back then where all I had to do is to listen to your parents and do what they told you. It’s that simple back then. Things were not as simple now. They got me my favorite cake “Chocolate Obsession” and they sang me a birthday song. This was the best birthday ever. Till I got home, he is there, once again, I see him everyday since my 19th birthday. He is still there. I wish he was dead.

MONDAY OCTOBER 2
“You are doing it wrong!!!” I woke up in sweat, remembering his voice, that threatening voice ringing in my head. I have been with him for the last 3 years already and still his voice haunts me in my sleep at night.

TUESDAY OCTOBER 3
My dog just died. I named my dog after him so that they share the same name. Although when he is around I will call my dog “Naughty”. It was his choice. But when he is not around, I will call him “Justin”. Justin, I pray to God that you will have a good life after this.

THURSDAY OCTOBER 5
I met up with my good friend today. He is tremendously sweet as he remembered that it was my birthday and celebrated with me. I received a dozen of roses and a small peck on the cheek. Thanks Johnny for being my friend. He was the only male friend that I have that was sincerely nice to me as compared to that dog I have at home.

SATURDAY OCTOBER 7
I have an upcoming performance this Saturday for the Singapore Salsa Festival and no doubt about it, my partner would be him. If given a choice I hope he messed up but if that was the case, I will look bad and it will not reflect well on me. So still hopes everything goes ideally as planned.

FRIDAY OCTOBER 13
Once again I woke up in sweat. I remembered again things I wished I would never ever remember. I vividly remember his dirty hands on me on my 19th birthday. My life tarnished, ruined by one man to satisfy his lust or his desire on me. He was my teacher, my friend. But after that incident, he was my enemy, a man-turned-beast, a pervert, a father. My child who had never got the chance to see the world was let go just because of this man’s selfishness. I could have sued him but he was my teacher and he did promise to take good care of me. In which I would boldly say that he did a good job out of it. He made me the co-owner of his salsa company and lavishes presents and cold hard cash on me. If not for him, I am not sure if my sister could pull through college or whether my dad could recover from his stroke incident that happened last year. For these, I am grateful. I am with him because of his money and also being grateful for all the years of salsa that he has taught me together with the amount of sponsoring for overseas salsa courses. With a pinch of pity as he is already 47 and he is a nice guy but I do not love him. I swear to god if not for that incident on my birthday, to the hell with him and I wonder sometimes what my life would be like if he was not in the picture. How ironical that today is Friday the 13th and I have to remember stuffs like this. Life sucks!

SATURDAY OCTOBER 14
Today is the performance and we have practiced the same set of choreographed moves for like a month already. Today will be the time to announce to the world what Ellen is all about. I hate those eyes. Those despicable eyes looking at us with the look of scrutiny, it made us look like as if I was an alien from another planet. I admit to the world that I am 22 and he is 47 and we are a couple. He loves me and I love him although not in the same way but yes to the hell with it, we are a couple. Who are you to judge us? Do you have the slightest idea of the story behind my life? Go fuck yourself!!!

SUNDAY OCTOBER 15
Last night was a great performance, the applause, the audience, they were great and it made me felt good. All these years of hard work was not put to waste. I remember going to LA to pursue salsa which I had never regret and I will continue to put in more hard work from now.

MONDAY OCTOBER 16
Today is my sister’s birthday. Wished her happy birthday over the phone and I received news that Lestat is getting married. I am thrilled as Lestat just recovered from his tumor operation a couple of years ago and now he is getting married, I am ecstatic. I am proud of him for going against his fear and standing up once again, embrace the world and living a life that he should be fully entitled to.

TUESDAY OCTOBER 17
I woke up with a message on my mobile.
“Hey sweetie, I am getting married soon. Hope you could be here. Remember how you asked me to fly, I flew, I found and I conquered. I will now repeat what you said to me before. It’s about time you fly!!”

I looked at the cold wall right in front of me. I looked at the man sleeping next to me. Can I fly? Can I forsake what I have achieved all these years and learn to let go? Am I able to craft a career by myself without the help of this man? I arched over for my cigarette. Who said that cigarette is only harmful to the body.

Author
Johnny Kwek