Almost Virgin

Forever Friends No More

It seems that the search for a new partner is abandoned and I am back with my partner. I told you Forever Friends Teddy bears are no good. Better to stick with the good old Barbie Dolls.

Forever Friends

"You know that it is about time to do it" I told myself.

The day when I see Topless Girl coming with a life-sized Forever Friends Teddy Bear to Union and leaving with the Teddy Bear, I know it is about time to do it.

Forever Friends is able to salsa better than me, he is cuter than me and he is more of a charmer than me, I know it is about time to do it.

When you dance with Topless and you feel that the chemistry is no longer the same or when you had the worst dance ever with her, I know it is about time to do it.

Life moves on and I need to be on a look-out now when I know it is about time to do it.

Selection criteria, please be shorter than me.

I think I need to look for a new partner soon .........

The Case of the Mysterious Johnny

Recently in my blog entry, there happened to be an anonymous person that puts comments by the name of Johnny.

I am unable to interpret the possible reason for this mysterious writer and his/her motive for doing so. Whenever a comment is posted by anyone, I will receive an email notification from my hotmail account. Whenever this Johnny posted a comment, I will see a pop-up notification to my email. It is very scary to see and email from myself and I start to think that I am actually partially schitzo to send emails to myself. Why the hell would I want to do that?

Firstly, I swear upon my KuKu Jiao that it is not done by me. This commenter posts with a tinge of feminism and I seriously suspect it is a she. Secondly, I am greatly traumatized by such reaction as I think that there is a public uproar thinking that I am doing all these for publicity and fame. Based on these, I think I am losing a bulk of my readers and friends because they think I am fake and fictitious. I miss the comments from friends and superheroes but since the appearance of mysterious Johnny, they all left.

If the mysterious Johnny is reading this, I am telling you, you have won. You have made my life miserable and you have made me think about your motive. A simple but deadly game that you play has made me lose it all.

All I can say is that never let me know who you are because you are not forgiven!!!

Who Understands This!!!

I had it enough with the nick names! Who the hell is able to understand this? But let’s try and see…….

Superman and Bang Sai were walking along Kiong Siap Street one day and they happened to bump into Batman and Robin. Batman just met Invisible at Doo Lan Street whom is now with the Nose Digger. The Chewer apparently works near Doo Lan Street having a rendezvous now with Salsa Slut. They happened to be seen by the Digger who in turned told Superman. Superman went on to tell Incredible who was with Chatsalot at Chee Mai Street shopping for Lingerie with Topless. Topless saw the Chewer hugging Cunninglingus and went on to tell Katrina who was by then at Chee Hong Street together with the Fly. The Fly was so excited that he went to tell Hossan who was selling Char Kway Teow next to the Emu’s prata house. Emu immediately went to inform the Paparazzi who were filming the Paper Doll with Lawman at that time. Ponle Sabor was having chendol with Stick Man at Hum Sup Hawker Centre when they saw the paparazzi being followed by Xiao Qing who was holding the Banana Man by the hand and all these was seen by the Murderer who told the Damsel when they met at Lou Mou Fortune House. Green Lantern was sitting with Mocking Bird bitching about the Clown where they see the Murderer talking about the Banana as Jia Lung Nee walk past. Suddenly, Donnavan ran in and shouted “Siew Mai for sale. Very hot and nice Siew Mai”. Homer Simpson immediately ran up and bought all the Siew Mai from Donnavan. Lantern was sad as there is no more Siew Mai and decided to call Superman.



The moral of the story in this article is that “News spread faster than fire when you live in a bitchy world. Beware the next time you eat a Siew Mai. By the time the Siew Mai is on the table, tons and tons of people would already know whom and where you are having your Siew Mai”

If you are going to tell me that the moral of the story is that Homer Simpson loves to eat “Siew Mai”? I will ask you to go fug yourself.

The Story of Ah Long and the Damsel

Eh.. urm... this must be one of the worst thing I have ever written since primary school. I actually have doubts posting this up as it will ruin my reputation but heck lah, who cares about the reputation. What matters is that this blog entry is so un-real, fake and phony. And I must admit the language used is unprofessional and amatuerish. Please only read this if you are really really really bored.




Ah Long has been an Ah Long for 2 years now. His daily routines include fishing and reading, coupled with occasional visits to the market to get pig head and sting rays. Sporadically, he has to pay house visits at night to master his street paintings on walls and doors.

Ah Long would usually lurk around housing estates by the void deck waiting for his friend to come back and return him some money. But as time pasts by, the friend never came and Ah Long was unable to get his money. Ah Long is confused as no matter how hard he tries, he is unable to contact his friend. Therefore, Ah Long decided to use the easiest method to drop his friend a note. Being such a considerate friend, he understands that writings on paper usually induce a tendency for people to throw it away without reading. Being the most sensitive man around, Ah Long decided that by scribbling wordings on the friend’s door, the friend would definitely get the message. Ah Long wrote some huge words on the friend’s door. As a precaution, he wrote the same thing in the lift, the staircase, the void deck and on the neighbor’s dog. As the friend might not know who the sender of the message is, Ah Long decided to put a pig’s head so that the friend would know that it was him that send him the message although Ah Long bears no resemblance to a pig.

Recently, through MSN, Ah Long was exposed to a new hobby. An exceptionally interesting hobby that Ah Long would never though he would be addicted to. Comparatively to all the coke and marijuana that Ah Long had tried before, this one was much more special. Special to the extent that he cannot stop thinking about it. He used to play “Parang” fighting, so that he can practice on his self defense while vandalizing on the neighbor’s dog, on a daily basis with his best friend “Jenny”. Jenny has been his soul mate cum play mate for as long as Ah Long can remember. It was Jenny who listens to Ah Long pour out his sorrows and to share his joy. It was Jenny that helps Ah Long pass by the long lonely nights.

After Ah Long got involved in his new hobby, it was still Jenny who partakes in Ah Longs daily rendezvous with the melodious music rolling in the background. Regardless rain or shine, SARs or Bird Flu, Ah Long would hold Jenny by the hand and dances to the harmonious melody every single night.

One day, Ah Meng brought Ah Long to Union Square and Ah Long was dumbfounded. He was surprised to see the numerous people who share the same interest in the activity he does every night. He was surprised by the culture of the people in Union Square that dances to the melodious music he practices every night with Jenny.

Ever since that day, Ah Long goes down to Union Square every day except on Sunday so that he can enjoy the dance with the other friends that he has made at Union Square. Ah Long is happy, Ah Long is very happy. Ah Long is happy that he have made new friends. Ah Long is happy that he is dancing like there is no tomorrow. Ah Long is happy that he dances Salsa.

Ah Long recently met Ah Huei in Union Square. Ah Huei had difficulty mastering her left turns and seek to Ah Long for help. Ah Long takes great pride in helping this damsel in distress as firstly, he loves Salsa and wants everyone to be good in it. Secondly, he might have a little something for this damsel.

Back at the house where Ah Long stays, Jenny was not happy. Jenny is not happy anymore as Ah Long does not spend anymore time with her. Although Jenny understands that she is not real and all plastic, but to a certain extent she thought Ah Long would loved her forever. Jenny decided to do something drastic.

It was Sunday and Ah Long was at home. Ah Long was bored and decided to take Jenny out to practice his Salsa moves. Ah Long was dancing happily when suddenly, Jenny’s arm dropped and Ah Long was dumbfounded. Jenny’s arm has dropped onto the floor where Ah Long could just do was to look and stare. Ah Long tried to fix the arm back but to no avail. Jenny was smiling hard knowing Ah Long is getting flustered over her.

And then it happens, the door bell rang and guess who? Jenny was at the door with Ah Long's favourite Chendol. Ah Long panicked and stuff Jenny underneath the sofa. Jenny was jealous again as she knew that finally she got Ah Long’s attention but that stupid bitch has to come and steal it away.

Jenny sat down next to Ah Long as they enjoyed their Chendol. Jenny wanted to get her revenge. Jenny wanted to show the Damsel who she is and her status with Ah Long. Jenny slowly pushes her fallen hand out to the open from underneath the couch. As planned, the Damsel saw the fallen piece of arm from Jenny.

If you were the Damsel, what would you do?

The Damsel would:

a) be freaked out and look at Ah Long in astonishment. She would smack Ah Long in the face and scream like there is no tomorrow claiming that Ah Long is a freak. Jenny would be lying underneath the couch smiling.


b) Pick up the fallen arm and questioned Ah Long on the object. Ah Long would tell the Damsel the truth on his mannequin play mate and the Damsel would say that she is unable to accept such things and they each went their own way. Jenny eventually land up smiling.


c) Look at the fallen arm, takes out a broken limp from her bag. She explains that she loves to carry Joseph’s limp out everyday and they should let Jenny and Joseph meet. Jenny gone speechless.

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Ugly Side of Man

Diary of Superman

Momma's Boy

Diary of a Kept Woman

Love is to Let Go

Life of a Prostitute

Power Hungry

My Poems

DO-RE-ME

The Devil's Reject

I used to have a Dick

My Girlfriend

The Love of My Life