Diary of Superman - Secrets Revealed

The Life of Superman

Do you think its easy being a superhero with super powers like super human strength? It’s not easy I am telling you.

• I can’t sleep at night coz I have to patrol around flying in the air. Checking out the lanes and roads to prevent crimes from happening.
• I cannot peep at girls in changing rooms or couples making out at night due to integrity issue although I have X-Ray vision which is of 100% clarity. Do you understand the kind of torture that I am suffering?
• I cannot date normal women because if I happen to bring her back home and made out with her, I will kill her. Why, that’s a very good question. Accidents do happen and I can't affort to impregant her. Why? Another good question. Coz jolly well I would kill her. I shoot faster than a speeding bullet. Useing a condom? If you think you are smart, I am smarter. I tried using 20 condoms at a time, try it, you will understand how painful it will be. So the conclusion is that I can only date 3 girls. Elastic woman, Metal Girl and Wonder woman.
• I love sashimi but I can’t have it with wasabi. For your information wasabi is made from Kryptonite which will kill me.
• Have you any idea how hot it is to wear a diving suit underneath your office attire? I sweat all the time till people think that I pee through my pants although that was just sweat dripping from it.
  

What a great time I had last night. There is only one day in a year that I can be myself, dressed in my tight superman outfit and I get to wear my underwear on the outside. Seriously it is quite comfortable to wear your undies on the outside. Try it. Anyway I was saying that I had a great night last night as it was Halloween, I was partying with my clicks at Urine Square where everyone was in their original clothes. Robin was there in his plastic black suit which makes him look damn freaking muscular but the truth is that he is not. Apparently Bat man was not around due to some training on his new experiment with Joker. Wonder woman is wearing her oh yes…………you know it.

And for once when a stranger pops by to ask if I were Superman, I could boldly say so without lying “Yes I am Superman and I am here to save the day” I always love it when I say that I am here to save the day. There is a certain rhyme to it that sounds really good. Although Mighty Mouse did send me a warning letter from his lawyer that I am stealing his quote but what the heck, I sing it better.

I am sure everyone knows about that damn haze that is infiltrating Singapore. If you think it’s due to the Indonesian Forester, think again. It was that damn Torch and Firefly. These two gays were busy making out in the forest and lead to that fiery forest fire. That haze, that damn haze was causing a huge nuisance to the neighboring countries. But don’t worry, we already made invincible woman stuff a bottle cock up each of their asses already but they seem to be enjoying that. What should we do with these gays??? Oops sorry, I meant happy people.

I was chatting with bat man on msn today and I found him pretty farnie and I am going to share it.
SUPERMAN: hey hey
BATMAN::: hey dude I am your friend haha. two yandao kias hehe.
SUPERMAN: so how was Halloween??
BATMAN::: halloween was spent err... training from 8 to 12am..
SUPERMAN: really, I tot u would be at union with your nurse wear
BATMAN::: yea. hey, since i've been readin your blog i'd like u to have access to mine :)
SUPERMAN: oh yes please. please give me your blog add
BATMAN::: ilovehairypussy.blogspot.com
SUPERMAN: haha what a name
BATMAN::: like yours too..
BATMAN::: almost virgin.
BATMAN::: hey, anyway, Planet Movida on sat?
SUPERMAN: the new place ah, i havent been there
BATMAN::: yup
SUPERMAN: this sat i cannot leh i have private salsa party at friends place at Planet Virginia
BATMAN::: woa~ u so happening la
SUPERMAN: but please go check out the new place for me, i heard its quite nice
BATMAN::: ok i'll check out the new place for myself, keke
SUPERMAN: isnt invinsible woman going with u??
BATMAN::: invinsible woman is with her friends man
SUPERMAN: oh no
BATMAN::: it;s ok la we're only dating :)
SUPERMAN: dating ooooooooooooo, dating is the nicest part of a relationship,dun mess it up,hahahahhhaa
BATMAN::: cohabitating is also a nice part of r/s hehehe
SUPERMAN: no lor cohabitating you will see the dark side
BATMAN::: tt;s good what
SUPERMAN: the plucking-of-obnoxious-hair-on-various-body-part, the stick-the-finger-up-the-nostril-whenever-she-likes-it part and the fart-as-they-please-part and many more
BATMAN::: hahahah tt;s good ma
SUPERMAN: u freak
BATMAN::: it;s bout understanding and liking who she is right :)
SUPERMAN: its invinsible woman's luck to have u, have fun
BATMAN::: dun say tt la it;s my fortune to have her :)
BATMAN::: i can only.. * in her words* dance good salsa
SUPERMAN: hahahaha u are really making me wonder
BATMAN::: wonder what? i'm straight!!!!
SUPERMAN: if u can only dance good salsa that means u suck at other aspect. oh no!!! please dun bring shame to us superheroes
BATMAN::: oh well.. i dun literally suck only!! I only suck when i'm drinking from a straw. i prefer to lick la

***** Okay the rest are all censored materials ******


Who says superheroes does not salsa. Batman and I have been doing it for quite some time now. And we are still enjoying it. Although it sucked to have to leave a dance halfway to save the world, but what to do, it’s our lifestyle. There are times where Batman has to rush off to save his Vivo City crimes and I have to save that dumb damsel Louis from killing herself. She is such a dumbass. She always gets herself kidnapped and I have to play poker with joker just to win her back. And damn that bald-headed Luthor for always doing that. Actually Luthor is gay and had always had a crush on me. His main motive of doing so much shit is in order to see me. The power of love can be so destructive. He made me homophobic.

As I was saying, I have been doing salsa quite often. I find myself as quite a hazard to salsa.

• I am a man of steel. Anyone who knocks into me or being knocked at will sure to be in loads of pain.
• I accidentally hit Daniel on his shin that day and he was bruised damn badly. I think that patch of bruised was measured 6 inches by 3.
• Whenever I fling a lady during a turn, she ends by quite a distance away from me and starts to get really really dizzy.
• I elbowed Karen on the forehead once during doing the Merengue. She blacked out and starts to see triple vision.
• There are times when I accidentally step on someone during crowded nights; I guess I might have broken some toes before.
• I remembered the farniest thing that happened to me before. Daphne was doing her styling using the swan lake stance and she accidentally pokes both fingers all the way up my nostrils. Instead of me yelling, she landed up with broken fingers. That was a scare. I am glad that I am a man of steel. You can imagine that immense amount of pain if it happens to a human.
  

Some times it makes me whether I should continue with my salsa.

Anyway I just received a SMS from dear Mr. Luthor. He wrote.

Hey you, I have Miss Lane with me and I understand you are faster than a speeding bullet. I am going to push Lewis onto the Clementi MRT track in another two seconds. Let me see how you can save her this time.

I replied via SMS.

Hey Lex, firstly, can you be a little creative rather than to follow the trend to kill people in MRT stations. Secondly, I have told you a million times, her name is LOUIS.
Lastly, you idiot you send me an SMS, it takes two damn seconds before I can receive the message.


Author
Johnny Kwek