Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura - Chapter One

** This article is best read if you know how to speak with a French accent

Morning class, I am your new form teacher and my name is Masha Ala Mak Bar Shiokura. I am 18 years old every day and I am single and very available. My dad came from a very rich country located in the central part of Middle East and he humped my mum while travelling in Japan. My dad’s surname is Ala Mak and my mum, Shiokura. Masha is my first name and you guys may call me Mr. Masha.

Today class, I will be teaching you the proper way to pick up a girl or to pick up a guy.

Lets first talk about what should the guys do to pick up a girl. Actually it is not that difficult. It just takes a few tactics, patience and how well you portray yourself. You do not need to be as handsome as Tom Cruise or as cute as Almost Virgin. You just need to be yourself and believe in yourself and follow the steps below.

STEP 1

Locked a target. Do not be greedy. The theory of locking multiple targets and finally one will pull through does not hold. Usually preying on too many will result in losing everything. Women are pretty gossipy.

It simple actually, Treat it like holding a S5 sniper rifle. You lock one target and you zoom into that target. You know the next action. FIRE!

STEP 2

Make sure you get her attention. There are a million ways to get a lady’s attention. You can actually pretend to trip while walking past her and you look up with a million dollar smile. The more radiant you look the better your chances are. You could pretend to laugh out loud while she walks past you to get her to look at you. Smile. DO NOT do the following to get her attention.

1. Deliberately spill your drink into her cleavage.
2. Bark like a dog
3. Cut her path and make her fall
4. Start making provocative noises at her
5. Slap her ass

The wise man used to say, “Getting her attention is not difficult. Making sure her attention stays with you takes skill.”

First you look at her. Make sure that she sees you looking at her. All women yearn for attention. When you see her eyes locking with yours, you just completed the first part. Slowly move your eyes down her body to her feet and then you look away. All this to be done slowly. The slower you do this, the better the results would be. Make sure she sees all this. You just completed the second part. Move your attention away from her for at least 3 minutes. Talk to your friend; talk to the girl next to you. Just talk to someone.

After this long 3 minutes, divert your attention back to her. Look at her and if you see her looking back, I guarantee you she must have at least looked at you once in the last 3 minutes to see if you were still checking her out. This time look at her and do not shift your attention away, smile back. If she smiles back at you, lets move on to STEP 3. If not, go home. Do not try to go back to STEP 1. You will look stupid.

STEP 3
Striking a conversation. It’s never easy for someone who has never done this before to be good at this part. The previous steps were easy. It is so easy to the extent that even my nephew can do it. But this part, it might take a bit of skill and technique.

1. Never stutter. You look timid and this lack of confidence reflects almost instantly once you stutter.
2. Think before you speak. I understand that all you men could only be thinking of one thing at that particular moment. But you need to be cool on this. All women need a nice massage before everything. Do not utter the most miraculous thing like “You are making me pop in my pants.” Leave these sentences later.
3. Remember the name and remember it well. Imagine how bad it will reflect if you asked her for her name and you forgot it the next instance. Or imagine you yelling the wrong name at the later part of the day.
4. Do not be too aggressive. “How old are you?” “Are you alone?” “Where are you going later?” Does it matter? These questions are pointless and it does not really matter to the both of you. What you need to do is to start a conversation that would make sure that she would be interested. If she finds you interesting, she might want to get to know you better. She might be the one who strikes the conversation instead. You work is complete.

Now lets start talking. “I think God must have answered my prayers, he has sent me an angel.” C’mon, get a life. This probably make sense it you say it to a 16-year-old girl. What I am talking about are the pretty ladies, matured and classy. You think you can pull this trick off the hat? What is wrong with you?

You need to understand your women and dig into a conversation that would get her all interested and excited.

All men are vain, which includes women. They buy clothes to put on their body so that they would look beautiful. Probably we could start exploring there. “That’s a lovely pair of shoes you have there, where did you get it from?” “You look amazing. Your dress is so beautiful, I must say you really have exquisite taste.” You see a conversation starting. If not,

“I think you must be a tattoo artist.” Sentences like this would blow the girl away.
“Why would you think so?” she would definitely enquire.
“I think you have the look of a tattoo artist.”
Continue the conversation in a way your imagination could bring you.

“Let me self introduce. I am an author. “
“Oh really? So what books did you write?”
“I wrote the book ‘The Folks of the Far Away Tree’.”
If she’s a bimbo, she would smile and look away. I think its time for you to smile and look away too.
If she’s not a bimbo, I bet you she would smile and laugh at you.
Continue by saying “They call me Mr. Blyton and I am dead now.”

STEP 4
Making advances. By now a strong conversation should be in place now. She feels comfortable with you and you have made her feel so heavenly and she is mesmerised by your sense of humour. She has lowered her defence on you and she is now comfortable and dying to know you better.

Begin slowly to lure her into the trap. Never force the woman to drink. There is no more fun in the game if the girl is drunk. You must make sure that the woman stays sober but she pretends that she is drunk. You start to speak softer than usual and she can’t hear a word. You start to move closer so that she can hear clearer. You start to edge an inch closer to her with the beginning of a new sentence. Make sure that you start whispering in her ears to the extent so close that she can hear you breathing. Make sure that pair of earrings is just beneath your nose.

“You have nice earrings.” You start to advance your fingers to her ears to have a closer look at her earrings. You pull her hair back so that you can have a closer look. You let her hair softly down the back of her ear and you retract your fingers while accidentally flicking her ear lobes gently.

You start to say “What if?” and you breathe gently into her ears. Make sure she feels you smelling her perfume she dabbed behind her ears.

“What if what?” she queried.

“What if… it is my birthday today? Would I be a happy boy?”

My guess is that she would probably turn her head around and now your faces so close to each other. Look at her. Look back at her. Look down her nose and to her lips. Look back in her eyes. If she did not push you away by now or slap you hard in your face, my take is that your work is complete with the last move.

Checkmate.

** Disclaimer: None of the above has been certified nor tested by any practitioner. Choose to practice at your own risk.

Stay tune for Chapter Two