A New Life a Strange Life

I lie down on my bed, looking at my ceiling. I gave my pillow a nice big tug. The comfort was unbelievable. I felt safe being at home.

It has seem a long time since I was able to lie down feeling relaxed and safe. I licked the remains of the after taste of the strawberries I just had for dinner. The sourness burns my tongue but the sweetness warms my heart. I just had to close my eyes and I know another new day will start. I choose not to. I choose to savour the precious moment I have now. Such tranquility seldom pops by.

I took a deep breath and I start to think.

What should I do? I have the time now, tons of them. But I have been busy occupying myself. Salsa Trainings on a 4 day basis. Gym on a daily basis. Lunch time is out. I need to gym. Night chilling is out, I need to train. I need to swim on weekends and I still have to work. Is this what my life should be evoling around? I say no but I like it so much at least for now.

I want to learn golf cause I would get to socialise. I want to learn diving as it is something that I wanted to learn all this time but due to G-F-scared-of-fish-syndrome, I can only do it now. I want to learn Muay Thai to protect the world of MRT seat snatchers, to protect the world of nipple pinchers. I want to, I want to.... win a Salsa competition. That is not going to be easy.

It is only when things are calmed, you start to realise that there are people out there who lives a life more exotic than you thought you did yours. I need to paint my life with colors soon. I am not getting any younger. I am already 25.

Okay who am i lying to, I am a little more than 25, just a little. My ass is not cute, no flesh, I need more flesh around that area, how can I do that? Shit more, not enough. Get pregnant, that should help. Too bad I am not a woman. Get someone to pump my ass? The only person who does that is my shit.

So it seems I cannot solve the problem of having a small ass. So i want a bigger chest. Pump my chest by doing 200 pushups a day. Take protein, chicken breast and 2 hard boiled egg for breakfast on a daily basis. So I will one day get a big chest with big breast and small titties.

I want to get a six pack, need to do tons of cardio. Need to eat wisely. Do too much cardio will lose the muscles. I need the muscles. Do less cardio. Still doing 100 sit ups aday. Still having a round of beer on certain days. I get fat, not lean, but fat.

Now I have a big head, big chest, big tummy, small ass and my slim short legs. What am I?

Check out the size of the balls!!!!



Damn I need to get back to sleep!!!

My Testimonial

My director which is my direct boss is leaving the company. Before she leaves, I decided to draft a testimonial for her to endorse. This is what I wrote.

TESTIMONIAL FOR JOHNNY KWEK

Johnny Kwek has been with Excelink Technology since October 2005 till present (October 2007). In these few years of his presence at Excel, he has contributed a lot of time and effort in this Company to make things work for the projects that he has been dealing with.

Even though with no prior knowledge of banking background, Johnny has proved his worth and diligence to be able to learn on the job. Currently, he has substantial knowledge in the Financial Domain, with strong qualities on Customer Relationship Module and Unit Trust Products. He is also coupled with other banking related knowledge like Structured Products and Sales Performance Systems.

To top it off, Johnny has been excellent supporting a few local projects. As part of his role as a Consultant, which deals with the clients from various banks directly, he has been patient yet confident and handles the clients in a very proper and organized infrastructure. We have received commendations from our clients directly which wishes to express their gratitude on the the effort and attitude that Johnny has put in for them in their projects. These praises comes to the company directly that helps to built on top of the current client-vendor relationship. This will not have happen if not for Johnny’s role that has been efficient and detailed. Johnny has proved himself to be able to handle client relationship very well.

Johnny has proved that he is confident and he does not stumble in a huge crowd. Furthermore, he is also able to express himself clearly and in a very detailed manner when it comes to documentation such as business requirements and functional specifications. He comes along with a good command of language ability and is able to pin down thoughts quickly and specifically.

With a good attitude from what I know of this employee, he will be able to go far and beyond what he thinks his capabilities will bring him.



Director
Geraldine Siah





04 October 2007

THERE IS THIS BIG SMILE ON MY FACE WHEN I AM DONE. STRANGE ENOUGH, I DON"T KNOW WHY!!!

Potent Sabotage

Dear Friends,

Once again, my email account has been hijacked by the one I used to love so madly. I emphasized that this is not the first time and its enough.
I am starting a new email address and msn.

Please add me on johnnykwek@hotmail.com

The difference is the UnderScore in between.

I am sure you guys must be curious on what happenend. So here goes.

Yes as a bastard, my heart had waivered and I admit it is all my fault. I had feelings for someone else and I have hurt my ex-girlfriend's heart. I would have felt a lot of guilt and tons of remorse but I sincerely think such feelings no longer hold in my heart.

The day that she changed my email passwords, deleted my friendster, my blog passwords. I knew this was something too childish that is way out of my imagination. She even called in to terminate my mobile plan. So stuck with no emails, no identity, no telephone contact, I am confirmed that things are not going to happen. To the extent that I even terminated all 3 of my credit cards.

To a point in time, when we quarrelled, even though I know I was the root of the problem, it does not make sense to me anymore. I do not even want to quarrel anymore. It does not upsets me, it does not affect me. It is just so immature and childish.

Having to equip oneself with a weapon during a quarrel/fight is very scary. At the risk of protecting my friends and family, I will make no mistake. Now my own life is at stake. I will not risk it.

So please do help to clarify my email issues with whichever friends that you happen to think that I will have contact to. If any emails/spams sent by johnny_kwek@hotmail.com, I will not bear any legal responsibilities.

Please respect my decision as a friend.

Thanks

Regards,
Johnny aka Almost Virgin.

This is not a spam. This is the true world.

Absofuckinglutely Single

It seems that self-delusion should have come to full stop by now. I have to say this out loud in order to allow myself to move forward and continue to pursue what my destiny lies ahead. In order to slay the dragon, rescue the princess and uphold World Peace.

Everyone. I am absofuckinglutely single now. Whoever interested please hit on me and if you know someone who could be interested in me. Please hit me too.

My new bachelor life starts from this full stop.

We should love our Country

Lets Go Fishing

You've probably heard the Chinese proverb, "Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime."

So who doesn’t want to learn how to fish?

Recently, it seems that there is an uprising of fishermen around in the Salsa Scene. Sometimes it gets so bad that you can see fishermen fighting for one fish. C’mon dudes, there are tons of fishes in the sea, why waste a Garoupa for an Ikan Billis. Prepare yourself for a whale or a shark, assuming if you are more adventurous.

The point is there are quite a few kinds of fishermen around.





Fisherman #1 – The Man with the Fishing Rod

Ideally, such man uses his baits and catches one fish at a time. Not too much, but one fish at a time. He sits patiently and waits for his catch to come. Once his good fortune sinks in, he catches a fish. It could be any species of fish. He tastes the fish, probably not very appropriate to his liking; he spits it away and continues fishing.





Fisherman #2 – The Man with the Fishing Net

The perfect characteristics of a greedy man. Nothing can be ever enough. Such fishermen usually have a very perverted look and he is nowhere near the category of a common man. Very desperate and once swore to the Dragon King that he will hump catch every fish in the sea. By using a net, such fisherman usually has a very wide variety of catch. Young fish, old fish, fat fish, skinny fish, Chinese fish, Malay fish, Indian fish, Ang Moh fish. As the saying goes in his theory, “As long as there is fish, it will be a good fish.”





Fisherman #3 – The Hardworking Man who gets the Fish

He waits patiently for his fish. He only wants to catch one fish. The sun has set and the moon has set but still he waits. He waits for the Golden Pearl of the sea. He gets the freshest bait he could find and he sacrifices all his time to sit by the sea and watches over his Golden Pearl. He finally caught his fish. He is happy. And I hope he stays happy. At least for now.



Fisherman #4 – The Lucky Man who gets the Fish

Such fishermen do not fish. They just happen to sit by the lake and fishes starts jumping from nowhere and offer themselves. They take their pick to find the fattest juiciest fish and then they walk away. Bastards. Freaking stealing the livelihood of the normal fishermen. These bastards are so lucky sometimes that even if they pee in the lake, the fishes would also hallucinate to think that that was bait. The fishes started jumping out if the lake to get their bait. Hope such bastards get a shark the next time.




Fisherman #5 – The Man who is not sought out to be a Fisherman

These are the men who are always catching boots, used condoms, transformers toys from the sea. Quite a loser sometimes that they cannot visualize that they are not suited to be a fisherman. They do not have the technique, the skills, the good baits, and the patience. They start to fish because all their friends are fishermen. They should change their occupation and realize that maybe they have better talents in another way such as becoming an eyebrow plucker.

My First JJ Performance

My Rueda Competition with Video and Pictures

My Rueda Competition

Oh dear I lost again. Nope, I did not lose. I got second.

Oh dear, I didn’t win again.

A very big thank you to everyone who supported me and the team of Los Lomantics.

We are very grateful.

I have come a long way and I have joined 3 competitions under my name now. I have participated in Salsa, Bachata and Rueda competitions and I self proclaim that I am still not a versatile dancer.

Next stop. Exotic, here I come.

I have learnt a lot from my team members.

I have learnt a lot from Boon Cheong who have taught me tons of tricks and I enjoy sharing the sparks of ideas with him.

I have learnt a lot from Daphne dear who is always so cheerful and chirpy and she is someone who can ease all tension.

I have learnt a lot from Eileen who taught me how to extinguish a fire and how to cook a nice plate of bee hoon.

All these have become a part of me and a part that will live with me for the rest of my life.

I have lost the competition but I am glad that at least I put up a performance that everyone had enjoyed.

I love the aftermath of the handshake, the eyes of satisfaction, the smile of the viewers and the kiss from the ang mohs. I love the fame, the audience, the fans, the love, the support, the intensity, the tension, the urgency to pee.

I thank again and again each day I have friends like you guys who came down to support. Without you, there would be no point of me living as a performer.

I won friends and love and tons of other things. I won 2 pairs of bras from fans as souvenirs that night and I got Calvin Klein underwear from a secret admirer.

It’s about time now that I concentrate on my next performance and till then, the Virgin is going to rest.

Watch me on 7th July at Ngee Ann City. Live from Singapore.

Rueda Competition is Tomorrow. WTF??

Hi friends,

I will be participating in the ever first Rueda Competition. I must admit after 2 competitions, the fear of an audience has became lesser. But no doubt, the kick of performing live in front of so many audience is still driving me crazy.

It gives me an orgasm every time I think of it.

Plus my rueda team, we call ourselves Los Lomantics, comprising of

the cute and sweet Hamster girl,

the sensitive and caring Fire Warden (Assistant)

the creative and talented Batman,

the Almost and Virgin Superman,

are gonna try our very best to entertain you with a choreo NEVER seen b4 in Singapore to a song NEVER heard b4 in Sg salsa scene! what's more, we're really a group of friends, not affiliated to any team for this once, coming together to do something so fun, we always end up laughing at ourselves ;)

We are the Los Lomantic and we are very romantic.
We are simply fantastic and we are rueda fanatics.

Calling out for help, please do cheer for the Los Lomantics. A constant cheering through out the entire performance will be good as it makes me feel safer when the frequency of your voice rings across my ears. You complete me. Silence during my performance will demoralise me. Will you do me this favour?

Secondly, another favour, I need all your help to do this. You may not be a Rueda dancer, you may not even be a Salsa dancer, but I am sure you can do this. This is not finalised but assuming it does.

IF IN THE MIDST OF MY DANCE AND I YELL TU-MA-DRE, WILL YOU PLEASE ANSWER BACK AT THE TOP OF YOUR VOICE, LA-TU-YA. IT IS JUST A 3 SYLLABUS WORD. LA-TU-YA!!!

THANKS A MILLION. HONESTLY, I HOPE THE LOS LOMANTICS CAN PUT UP A PERFORMANCE NEVER SEEN IN TOWN AND SOMETHING YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED.

Regards,
Almost Virgin.